...the best-functioning crappers.

Call it the Berlusconi effect, named after Italy's third-term gadfly president. That is my worst fear for the U.S. For my dear homeland. That a majority of Americans would vote against their own self-interest and ignore the real issues and elect a laughingstock. We've done it twice. With George Bush-Dick Cheney. So why not a third time? And elect Bush's surrogates? McCain-Palin. I tell my Italian friend to laugh off Berlusconi. Easy for me to say. Not living in Italy. I look at Italy, and I see Berlusconi as entertaining. And really, I suspect that's how many, many Americans see McCain-Palin. As entertaining. They don't think in terms of policy. They see interesting personalities. McCain. A war hero. Spent 5 years as a POW. A maverick. Who occasionally stands up to his fellow Republicans. He's the underdog. Written off in the primary elections. But then rallies at the end. And gets the nomination. And some Americans think it would be a great story if he rallies late in the general election campaign and wins the presidency. And then they'd have as a bonus this entertaining character -- a lame-headed slick chick who hunts caribou and moose and attends a church with a witch doctor -- just a heartbeat away from the presidency. Wow! Imagine such an administration. It'll be worth watching the entertaining news every night. Sure the economy will continue to tank. The gap will widen between the rich and poor. We'll still have 50 million people without health insurance. And instead of two wars, we'll start a costly third one. With Iran. That'll keep us glued to our television sets. But we can feel safe and comfortable in our abodes. Because we'll have a new member of the president's cabinet. Yes, Joe the Plumber, head of the Department of Plumbing. He'll guarantee that every American has a toilet that flushes. We'll be able to get rid of our crap. With the world's best functioning toilets. --Jim Broede

We're still waiting 5 years later.

Momentum can switch. I see it often in the sports world. Like the other day, Tampa Bay had a 3-1 game edge over Boston in the American league championship series. And with 2 outs in the 7th inning of the 5th game, Tampa Bay was leading by what seemed a comfortably safe 7-0. Only 7 outs to go for Tampa Bay to advance to the World Series. And then the bottom dropped out. Boston scored 4 runs in the 7th, 3 more in the 8th to tie the game, and then won it in the 9th, 8-7. Yes, a momentum change of amazing proportions. Of course, Tampa Bay had two more chances of wrapping up the series. Both games before the home crowd in Tampa. Well, last night, Tampa Bay lost, 4-2. And so the 7th and decisive game will be played tonight. And the momentum is with Boston. Just like that. With a snap of the fingers. And if Tampa Bay loses and doesn't make it to the World Series, fans there will lament. Oh, that 5th game. A 7-0 lead late in the game. And their team blows it. I'll pull for Tampa Bay. Because that's the decent thing to do. It's a young team. That came all the way from last place last season to first this season. It'd be a great story if Tampa went all the way to a world championship. But one never knows. The baseball gods can be cruel. Like in 2003, my Chicago Cubs looked like they were on the way to the World Series. They had a 3-1 games edge over the Florida Marlins. And the momentum suddenly turned. As it so often does in life. The Cubs lost the next 3 games. And Florida advanced. And we Cubs fans had to wait til next year, next season to go all the way. Five years later, we're still waiting. --Jim Broede

I wouldn't live in a castle.

I'm imagining today that I'm the king of the USA. Just for the fun of it. I'd pull our troops out of Iraq and Afghanistan. I'd reduce our defense budget to less than Sweden spends on defense. I'd bring about universal health care under a single payer system. I'd end corporate welfare. I'd raise taxes on the rich, mainly the millionaires and billionaires. I'd significantly narrow the gap between the rich and the poor. I'd undertake a massive program to improve the kingdom's infrastructure. I'd try to provide everyone the opportunity for a decent education. I'd expand the public parks. I'd be a big spender on the arts and cultural activities. I'd settle for a middle class income. I'd vacation in Italy. And I wouldn't live in a castle. --Jim Broede

Better than being a Republican.

You gotta give John McCain credit. When he's desperate, he'll try just about anything to turn around his sagging campaign for president. Mostly, by trying to discredit his opponent, Barack Obama. Instead of telling us what he (McCain) would do, McCain keeps trying to tell us what Obama would do. In terms meant to be negative. If truth be told, McCain would give us more George Bush. More Bush failed policies. The same policies that have America in deep doo-doo. Economically. This weekend, McCain has taken to labeling Obama a socialist. I suppose that's just a prelude to calling Obama a communist, ala the late Joe McCarthy. By the way, if anybody is a born-again socialist, it's George Bush, of all people. With the $700 billion bailout of Wall Street. That's about as socialist as one can get. Only a staunch free-enterprise conservative capitalist like Bush could get away with such a proposal. And hey, guess who's backed it? McCain and Obama and a majority of Congress. They're all socialists. And some of the best programs we have in the USA -- Social Security and Medicare -- have socialist roots. Well, anyway, McCain's intent seems to be to turn voters against Obama by calling him a socialist. Being a liberal isn't enough any more, I guess. Anyway, I've been proudly proclaiming for years that I'm a liberal and a socialist sympathizer. I wear those labels proudly. Better than being a Republican. --Jim Broede

A nice break for Joe the Plumber.

Turns out that Joe the Plumber ain't even a plumber. And he ain't earning anywhere near the money that would bring him a tax increase. In fact, under Barack Obama's tax plan, Joe would get a sizeable tax cut. Despite what Joe thinks. And despite what John McCain purports. Joe confronted Obama in Ohio recently. He decried that Obama would strap him with more taxes. Joe found a sympathizer in McCain this past week. He more or less proclaimed poor Joe, poor Joe. Saying he epitomizes the taxpayer that would be hurt by tax-and-spend Democrats, such as Obama. That's not true. But McCain isn't known for letting the truth get in the way of his rhetoric. And Joe is bogus, too. He'd like to become a licensed plumber. And he'd like to buy a plumbing company and make more than $250,000 a year -- which would bring him an extra tax burden. And maybe rightly so if his business becomes increasingly profitable. But if he earns less than $250,000, he'd pay less in taxes than he'd pay at the current rate. But Joe won't vote for Obama because Joe is a rock-ribbed Republican. And that means Joe doesn't mind voting against his own best economic interest and lower taxes. Exactly why, I'm not sure. Maybe he thinks the Republicans are better on the social issues. Or maybe it's because Obama is black. Or possibly because Obama would bring the troops home from Iraq. It's really hard to say. Everybody is free to vote the way they want. For whatever reason. Or for no reason at all. Meanwhile, it's true that Obama would raise taxes on the relatively weathly. People and small businesses making more than $250,000 a year. The higher the income, the higher one's taxes would go. Millionaires and billionaires may be expected to pay substantially more. Obama assumes they can afford it. As for working people making less than $250,000, Obama wants to lower their taxes. In other words, to make it easier on the lower and middle classes at the expense of the rich. McCain says that's class warfare. But Obama doesn't see it that way. Nor do I. Yes, spreading the wealth is the right thing to do. That would be a nice break for the likes of Joe the Plumber. --Jim Broede

I like love stories.

I get all wrapped up in the upcoming presidential election here in the U.S. And I suppose that's good. But it also can be bad. In that in the end, I could be disappointed. But hey, I'm optimistic. I sense a good outcome. But the fact is, I can't really effect the outcome. I'm just a little pebble on the beach. What will happen, will happen. Whether I'm here or not. So, sometimes I wonder why I pay so much attention over events over which I have no control. Oh, I'm able to spout off. In my blog. In my writing. Really, my main focus should be on love. A loving relationship with another. Because that's more meaningful than anything. Doesn't matter, I suppose, whether McCain or Obama become president. That shouldn't have any effect on my loving relationship. We're still free to fall in love. And to cultivate the relationship. And to find happiness with each other. On a daily basis. That's the important thing in life. To have the freedom and the ability to fall in love. And to live reasonably happy. Under whatever political and economic system. One just makes the best of the situation. The important thing is that I'm able to profess and feel love. And say what's on my mind. About love. About a loving relationship. I choose to do that. Because it makes me happy. And content. And I just sit here and marvel at how nice it is to nurture a human, a loving relationship. Yes, I'm living an interesting story. A love story. Isn't it nice to be one of the two main characters in this love story? And the story keeps unfolding. Every day. Another page. Another chapter. Another twist. Yes, I like love stories. Especially this one. --Jim Broede

Can we live without our noses?

Our human concepts and values keep changing. Thank gawd. We Americans, for instance, used to think it was all right to have a slave economy. And that it was okay to deny women and blacks their civil rights until well into the 20th century. Think about it. At one time, feudalism prevailed on Earth. And kings ruled by divine right. But the nice thing is that eventually we saw the light. We change. And we do the right thing. Often, it's a very gradual process. A bit of enlightenment here and there. Some of us like living in a rut. We don't want to change. Because we like the world as it is. Usually, because it gives us some kind of advantage over others. The American capitalist system, for instance. It allows individuals to get rich. Very, very monetarily rich. And that creates a society in which the rich keep getting richer and the poor keep getting poorer. Yes, a big, big gap between the haves and the have-nots. And we've been taught that's perfectly all right. A good thing. That greed is good. That money trickles down from the top. And so everybody benefits. Of course, that's a crock of crap. But so many of us believe it. If we're told white is black and black is white often enough, we believe it. Like robots. We've been told that socialism is bad. Capitalism is good. We're told that Sarah Palin would be well-qualified to lead the free world if John McCain suddenly died in office. And we're told that Barack Obama cavorts with terrorists and that he's totally unfit to be president. That if he got elected, it would be one of the worst decisions we Americans ever made. Yes, so many of us believe almost everything we're told. We are gullible. If not downright stupid. We'd cut off our noses to spite our faces. --Jim Broede