...with the utmost respect.

An anonymous letterwriter to this blog wrote, "There is a level of respect we all owe each other."

And, hey, I couldn't agree more.

Over the years, I have shown my detractors far more respect than they've shown me. That makes me relatively respectful. Maybe not totally respectful. But hey, fairly respectful. I think it's appropriate to treat blatantly disrespectful people with a degree of disrespect. That's just my style.

Please note, I treat respectful people with the utmost respect. --Jim Broede

Yes, I'll try to suck it up...

My friend from the contentious Ladies Aid Society, Maebee, thinks there's much about life that sucks. That's her word. And not least of all, she is emphatic that Alzheimer's Disease sucks. Well, I gotta agree with Maebee. But I don't let sucking get me down. I don't dwell on it. I get on with life and even tell myself that Alzheimer's was an opportunity for Jeanne and I to learn to cope with a very difficult situation. And to test our love, I guess. Therefore, the Alzheimer's experience wasn't a totally lost cause.

"Personally, I did not need Alzheimer's Disease, to teach me that I love my mother-in-law," Maebee declared in a posting on the Alzheimer's message boards. "I loved her before, and I love her now--no more, no less. It does suck! How else can you describe a disease that initially robs the mind, but not always the body? That leaves the ones that we love so much, wondering why life cannot continue the way it always had? They don't see that anything has changed! That leaves them to wonder why everyone else has to make decisions for them, sometimes as simple as to when they should go to the bathroom. To leave them wondering why no one understands what they are trying to say, even though it seems perfectly clear to them. How else can you describe a disease that ravages the minds of millions of people, yet most still believe it to be an accepted sign of age? I respectfully disagree. I think it does SUCK, and if others feel that way too, well, I see it as no reflection on their caregiving abilities, just their ability to express reality, to come here and vent their frustrations, and then to go on to the business of caring for their loved ones. Being a good wife, mother and daughter-in-law is rewarding and fulfilling to me. Watching my beloved mother-in-law go through this devastating disease is not."

Anyway, folks, I'm of the opinion that maybe a few things in life do suck, so to speak. But overall, life is wonderful. Grand. And glorious. And that certainly offsets the "sucking," many times over. I'll take life as it comes, and still try to be reasonably happy. Yes, I'll try to suck it up, and be happy that I'm alive. --Jim Broede

I'd gladly do it again.

"I'm so sorry," Diana writes, "to hear that anyone has to go through this (Alzheimer's ordeal) with our loved ones. It SUCKS!!!!"

Well, Diana put it succintly on the Alzheimer's message board the other day. But what might suck even more is Diana's attitude. It's time that folks like Diana quit feeling sorry for themselves and get on with the business of being good and positive care-givers for their patients. I'd sure as heck would rather be the care-giver than the patient. And when I was caring for my Jeanne for 13 years, I decided in the end it really didn't suck. It was one of the more rewarding and fulfilling experiences of my life. I wish that I didn't have to go through the ordeal. But it taught me something. That I genuinely loved my Jeanne, and I'd gladly do it again. --Jim Broede

Especially if it does the patient & care-giver harm.

Kathy feels robbed. And I have some advice for her. But first let’s listen to what Kathy has to say in a post on the Alzheimer’s message boards.

”My husband,” Kathy wrote, “was diagnosed with dementia about 18 months ago. He did very well up until about a month ago. I just cannot get over how quickly he is now declining…He now often does not know who I am or our children. He gets angry so easy these days…He is just in a confused state most of the time. He has many delusions, cannot find the bathroom, bedroom. He makes up these great stories of hunting. He seems so sad. Tonight he told me 'Kathy' (that’s me) was much nicer to him than I am. Not sure who he thought I was…

”I work full time and must continue to do so if we want to live. Our family GP (doctor) is wanting me to place him in a home. He is concerned about my health and thinks it would be better for (him). I just know it would be very hard on him not to have me and of course his little dog by his side

“This disease is just so painful! And tomorrow is our 31st anniversary. If only I could take back some of the years when we were so darn busy trying to save for the future that has now been robbed from us.”

Well, Kathy is inclined to keep her husband at home rather than put him into a nursing home. And I guess she also plans to continue to work. So she won’t be there all the time to care for him.


So this is what I told Kathy. Listen to your doctor. Place your husband. He needs extensive care. The kind he will get in placement. And it'll give you a chance to rest and to still visit him. Quite possibly daily. Bring your pet dog. Most nursing homes allow pets to come in. It's good therapy. Understand that you have to take care of yourself, and your husband, too. Make the best of the time you have left together. My Jeanne spent 38 months in a nursing home. And I was with her every day. We made the best of it. You can, too. It's not the end of the world. Not quite yet. Yes, life has its sad moments. But still, you can salvage something out of this. Just try to do the best you can under the circumstances. Life goes on.

Yes, folks, the sad thing is that some care-givers just don’t know when to stop being overwhelmed. To their own detriment. And quite often, to the detriment of their patient. Placement in assisted living or a nursing home doesn’t have to be the worst alternative. Sometimes, it can be the best option.

Some of us have got into our noggin that keeping the patient at home is always the best and only reasonable option. Sometimes, it’s the worst and most unreasonable route to go. Especially if it does the patient and the care-giver harm. –Jim Broede

...falling in love.

Ice formed on most of the lake overnight. I can still see some open water in the middle of the lake. But I probably won't see a totally open lake again until next April. Maybe in two weeks I'll be able to venture out on the ice. I do kind of like the change of seasons. All of the trees are bare of leaves. If we don't get a layer of snow in the next few days, I may go out and rake some leaves. But generally, I do most of the raking in the springtime. The leaves are compacted then. And still damp from the melted snow. And that allows me to pick them up by hand. In big clumps. I have more trees than any of my neighbors. Some neighbors like to have smooth lawns rather than lots of trees. And they even get their lawns chemically treated so there are no dandelions and other "undesirables." I like dandelions and a low ground cover called creeping charlie. Which sometimes creeps over to the neighbors' yards. I have a wide variety of trees. Pines. Spruce. Cedar. Oak. Maple. Ash. Sunburst locust. Catalpa. Tamarck. Willow. Mugho. Aspen. I have so much shade in the summertime that the grass hardly grows. And I also have built rock gardens. Years ago, I had an old Ford LTD car that had seen its better days. And before I junked it, I used it to haul rocks from farmers' fields. For my rock gardens and to fortify the shoreline of the lake. I put rocks in the trunk. In the back seat. In the passenger seat. And I must have made 100 trips into farm fields for the rocks. Some huge rocks. I can hardly believe I was able to pick them up. But that helped me build some muscles, I guess. And a strong back, too. You can see that sometimes I get carried away. Collecting rocks. And not least of all, falling in love. With life. And who knows, who else? -Jim Broede

If you set your mind & heart to it.

Someone called Twilight Tears wants to know how to cope with stress.

"I know my dad cannot help having severe dementia--God knows I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy--but I am reaching the end of my rope, even tho my mom does most of the caregiving," Twilight Tears wrote on the Alzheimer's message boards. "I am so tired, so discouraged, so stressed out, so depressed. I already have some mental health issues which long predate my dad's illness. And I know the stress is only making my mental state worse. I am seeing a therapist, and am on meds, but I still only want to sleep. I dread waking up!! How do the rest of you cope with all the misery involved in this wretched, wretched disease???"


Well, I’ll tell you how to cope, dear Twilight Tears. You find something in your life that you enjoy waking up to. Something called love. You have to love something. Maybe it’s just being an alive and conscious human being. Able to think. Able to reason. Maybe it’s standing in the shower and the sensual feeling of warm water run down your body. Maybe it’s going for a walk and breathing in fresh air. Maybe it’s reading a poem that stirs your soul. Maybe it’s petting a dog or a cat. Maybe it’s caring for your sick father. Maybe it’s consoling your exhausted and depressed mother. Yes, Twilight Tears, it’s finding at least an ounce of joy in your life. An ounce of fulfillment. I’ve done it. And so have many others. You can, too, if you set your mind and heart to it. --Jim Broede

Love could even make the miserable happy again.

To the unhappy people in the outside world, I must sound like a demon. Parading my happiness. I sense that it makes the miserable even more miserable. I have found love. And I proclaim it from the mountain top. There is nothing more thrilling and more vibrant than love. The love of another. Love could even make the miserable happy again. --Jim Broede