Monday, August 27, 2007
Connected in spirit...forever.
My dear sweet Jeanne always adjusted to the situation. One way or another. Despite Alzheimer's. Even to the climate changes in Minnesota. Maybe because we were used to it. For most of our lives. In Minnesota, the temperature ranges from 30 below zero in the wintertime to 100 degrees in the summertime. We dressed appropriately. And went out at the most suitable times of day or night. Outdoors virtually every day. Before and after Alzheimer's. I found that keeping Jeanne active, even when she was confined to a wheelchair, was very beneficial. It stimulated Jeanne. And I encouraged Jeanne to travel. Two years before she entered the nursing home, we spent 6 weeks in Arizona. And I'd take Jeanne with me to visit my mother, who lived 300 miles away. Jeanne would wake up in the motel in the middle of night. And wonder where she was. But she told me she'd see me in bed next to her, and that she then knew she was safe. Even when we went to Germany 16 months before she went into the nursing home, Jeanne handled it fairly well. Because we took along our granddaughter to help me care for Jeanne. And even when Jeanne was in the nursing home, I'd bring her home by wheelchair (a round-trip of 6 miles) often. But especially in the spring through autumn. Not so much in the wintertime. The fresh air and movement and my serenading her with love songs helped to stimulate her mind. And when Jeanne was still walking, I'd take her shopping and out to eat. I think that's the secret of success with Alzheimer patients. Keep 'em active. Take them out and about. Even when Jeanne couldn't walk any more, I'd pick her up and load her in the car, ever so gently, for rides out in the country. And we'd stop at Dairy Queen, for her favorite treat, a chocolate chip blizzard. And when I went for a haircut, I'd wheel the wheelchair with Jeanne, so she could watch. I think Jeanne did so relatively well right up to the end because she got special care, extra special care. Face to face stimulation. Nightly showers, too. And body massages. And a low-stress environment. Lots of tender loving care. Hey, fellow Alzheimer care-givers, it makes a difference. Take your loved one for daily wheelchair rides. I mean 8 to 10 miles daily. See if it makes a difference. And hand-feed them lunch and supper in their room instead of in the congregate dining area. Play soothing dinner music. Give 'em a kiss. A hug. Whisper sweet nothings in their ear at bedtime. Yes, even take them to Germany. Even though it's difficult. Give them one last chance to experience life. Albeit a life hampered by dementia. But still, they get something from it. Even if they don't always know where they are. At least Jeanne knew I was there. With her. Virtually every day. That made a difference. A big, big difference. Jeanne and I kept each other in our lives right up to the end. In a sense, we're still living together. Because we are connected in spirit...forever. --Jim Broede
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3 comments:
I want you folks to know what kind of comments I'm looking for. For instance, when I posted 'Connected in spirit...forever' on the Alzheimer's message board, I got this reply:
"Jim, You are a very brave man. I am about to place my husband, hopefully in the facility that I think is the best in my area. I will be alone here at home. I still work as my husband is 64 and I am still teaching. I know that he needs much more care than I am giving him here, and I plan to spend as much time as possible with him. I hope that as I continue this journey, I can be as brave and as optimistic as you are although I hear the pain in your messages. I hope that God blesses you with the peace of knowing you did everything possible for her. I know that she knows how much you loved her. These love stories only happen for a very few people."
That came from a nice woman named Maggie. Well, Maggie, thanks. You made my day. Yes, folks, we need more stuff like this. Positive stuff. Upbeat stuff. Stuff that resonates. --Jim Broede
So the only comments you want are ones that stroke your ego, correct?
That's crap, Jim. You have so much to give but yet you come across like you are superior to the rest of us. Your caregiving days might be finished but there are many on the board who are just beginning, in the middle of or nearing the end of that journey. You pick the scab and watch it bleed, and there are many on the board who are fed up with it.
Instead of your peace, love and good vibes type of attitude, why don't you reach down inside and remember how much it hurt to go through your journey with Jeanne. Try being more down to earth with those you come in contact with. We can't relate to you and your self-righteousness. You have a lot to offer but you aren't offering anything but telling us how we should feel. An 8-10 mile ride in a wheelchair? My Mom couldn't handle that as well as other LO's let alone their caregivers. That isn't realistic and we are doing the best we can day by day. I'm happy you were able to travel with Jeanne. Great that you could afford it. I for one don't have the money to take such trips and most on the board don't have that kind of cash either. Again, we are doing the best we can. Don't flaunt your good fortune in front of us. It does no good.
Don't use this blog as a means to hurt those who have opened themselves up on a public forum. Don't identify them and cut them down here as guttersnipes and whiners. You have forgotten what it is like to be a caregiver, Jim. Maybe it is time you look for other another board in which to connect.
I am sure you either won't post this or you will edit the crap out of it to suit your needs but these things needed to be said. And you can tell JEL to quit exploiting your blog. We all see it and if we choose to visit it, we will. Most of us come to see if we are the victim du jour in your blog. Cut the crap and come down to reality. You are no better than the rest of us.
That's right, dear Anonymous. I'm no better than the others. No worse, either. We're equals. And we all have our own ways of dealing and coping with life and with Alzheimer's and other pitfalls along the way. Yes, we have lots of ways. Different ways. And we have to learn to talk to each other without taking umbrage. There isn't always a right way and a wrong way. It depends on the situation. On the circumstances. My way was good for me. And good for Jeanne. That doesn't mean it would be good for you and others. You've got to decide for yourselves. I share my ways. My opinions. My thoughts. I'm not foisting them on anybody. It's take it or leave it. I'm not the commander. Not the boss. Not the king. Not the president. I'm just an outspoken fella. Yes, an opinionated fella. And people generally know where I stand. I'm not afraid to tell people what I think. And I'm lettimg you have your say because you're acting in a reasonable and polite manner. You disagree with me. Sharp disagreement. Valid disagreement. And that's fine. But if you started to use profanity or outright disrespect me -- well, that would be another thing. I'd have a problem with that. I respect you and your opinion. And I have my opinion, too. --Jim Broede
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