A price worth paying.

Janet posted on the Alzheimer’s message boards the other day.

“I'm having difficulty finding activities for my 58 year old husband diagnosed back in June with dementia,” she said. “He no longer can work or drive. I've checked out the senior center, but nothing to suit his disability. I feel he needs something more in his life as I have to work full time. I work from home occasionally but I'm still working even when home. I feel he needs some outside stimuli. Any suggestions on what other people are doing for their loved ones?”

Well, I suggested taking her husband out and about. To do all sorts of things. To take risks.

I took my Jeanne to Arizona for 6 weeks. And all the way to Germany. Yes, there were risks involved. But still, the stimulus was good for Jeanne. In both instances, she fell. Broke a wrist. And a bone beneath her eye. I often took Jeanne out for breakfast or lunch or dinner. I took her to movies. And for walks. And on trips to see my mother, who lived 300 miles away. Jeanne would wake up in a motel room, and not know where she was. But when she saw me next to her, she relaxed, and knew she was safe. Even when Jeanne went into a nursing home, I still took her outdoors and out and about. And even brought her home for a few hours.

I think that too often we play life too safe. I wanted Jeanne to feel the pulse of life. Despite Alzheimer’s. And so I’ve been occasionally taken to task by the Ladies Aid Society of the Alzheimer’s message boards – for putting Jeanne in danger. But hey, I’d do it again. My guess is that Jeanne lasted as long as she did – 13 years with dementia – in large part because I didn’t let her stagnate.

Betsy, from the Ladies Aid Society, told Janet: “I wouldn't recommend taking him to Arizona or Germany so he can break a wrist or bone in his face. For heaven's sake, use common sense as to his abilities at the time.”

Of course, my inclination would be to tell Betsy that there are trade-offs. I think Jeanne got significant stimulation from her stays in Arizona and Germany. A nice taste of life in her waning years. And that the falls and bone fractures are regrettable. But a price worth paying. Better than if I had left her at home. --Jim Broede