Sunday, December 30, 2007
...the focus is on ourselves rather than on our loved one.
It's sad that we don't find better ways to treat Alzheimer's. Too often, we just abandon these people. We write them off. As hopeless. As unreachable. Maybe it's just that we don't want to tackle something that's so difficult. We give up too easily. Or we just aren't up to the task of loving someone with dementia. It takes a special kind of love and devotion. We have to overcome heartache. And that's very difficult. We begin to feel sorry for ourselves. And then the focus is on ourselves rather than on our loved one. --Jim Broede
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2 comments:
I feel no sorrow for myself. I have never written anyone off that I have cared for with Alzheimer's. They are not hopeless by any means. It is a difficult task being a caregiver. Some of us choose to care for our loved ones at home. Others like yourself found the task of caregiving 24/7 unbearable. It isn't a matter of "loving" someone with dementia. It is what works best for whom. Since Alz is NEVER the same from person to person. There are hallmarks which all will have and that is the loss of short term memory. Otherwise ALL are different. It strikes me funny that you place all caregivers under an umbrella. Much like dementia. You have 1 very large group called uncaring, selfish, unloving. Then there is this teeny tiny group that are loving, caring. Seems to me that is 97% to 3%. With the number of caregivers we have in this world I find those figures to been way out of line. Its a shame that if someone isn't abiding by all your ways they fall into that 97%. The fact is that no matter what you read, where you read it, what you hear, and where. Caregiving is stressful, its is a heartache to watch a loved one slowly slip away. Does that make them a bad caregiver I think not. I call it being human. I call that a loving person, hurting to watch what is happening. They are not awful people, they did not ask for this job, but yet they continue doing it day in and day out. Some of it is easier than others but It DOES get done. This world is not your world. If it was there would be a nursing home on every corner. Life has its ups and downs, if it didn't we would still be in the garden of eden.
Dear I wonder:
I like your comment. I think it's well-written. Well thought out. Well-reasoned. Intelligent. You take me to task. To some extent. But nicely, I think.
By the way, I suspect that it's about 10 to 20 percent of care-givers that have no business being care-givers. They should be culled out. That leaves 80 to 90 percent who may be doing pretty well. Many of whom, I'm sure, are doing relatively stellar jobs of it. Just my opinion. And I could be wrong.
Sounds to me like you would fit into the stellar class. I like your attitude. --Jim Broede
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