I wish they understood.

I find Alzheimer care-givers a fascinating lot. Especially those that congregate on message boards. In many instances, to try to help each other. To exchange information. And for moral support. I joined one of the groups. Years and years ago. Sponsored by the American Alzheimer's Association. My dear wife Jeanne had Alzheimer's. For 13 years. She died in 2007. I'm still active on the message boards. And I've made close to 7,000 posts. For the most part, I get along with my fellow care-givers. I've cultivated some close friendships from the message boards. But also, I've alienated some. By speaking my mind. Because I think some of the care-givers have no business being care-givers. They ain't suited for the task. And maybe never will be. Really, that's no shame. Unless, of course, one continues to do more harm than good to one's patient. And that happens. Unfortunately. Seems to me that Alzheimer care-givers need to be special. They need more endurance and know-how than most other kinds of care-givers. Because dealing with an Alzheimer patient can be terribly frustrating. One needs patience. And some degree of rest. Respite. Time off. Going at it 24/7 for a sustained time is gruelling. Exhausting. Debilitating. Little wonder that some care-givers breakdown. They are in worse shape than their patients. And too many of 'em don't know it. It's really sad. They need to be confronted. Intervention becomes necessary. Often, they are driven by love. And by guilt. A sense of obligation. They see their loved one deteriorate. Right before their eyes. And they can do nothing about it. Or so it seems. But the point is, they can find ways to cope. By seeking help. By maybe putting their loved one in assisted living or a nursing home. And becoming a part-time supplemental care-giver. Becoming part of a team of care-givers. But first, they need to back off. And see the situation. Objectively. But too many of 'em don't. Those are the care-givers that I maybe rub the wrong way. They want more understanding. More support. Well, believe me, I understand. I wish they understood. They're doing more harm than good. To themselves. To their patients. --Jim Broede