I want to know. Everything.

I think I'm a philosopher at heart. Because I keep asking myself, who am I? And how do I fit into the world? And how do I relate to other people? I need answers. I desire answers. I like to be faced with difficult hypothetical moral questions. What if I have an opportunity to save some lives. But I have to make choices. I can't save everyone. How do I decide? How do I choose? How do I make difficult moral decisions and still live with myself? Maybe that's why god leaves it all up to random chance. He doesn't want to make such difficult decisions. But here I am, willing to give it a try. Willing to do what god doesn't want to do. God is leaving it up to me. Maybe that makes god cruel. Or maybe it's a sign that there isn't a god. Anyway, I have this notion that I have to be honest with myself. That's the only way to come up with the right answers. Meaningful answers. So that I can understand myself in meaningful ways. So that I know who I am. Oh, I could also choose to drift through life. And not ask myself questions. Especially hypothetical questions. Deal only with the issues I'm directly faced with. At the moment. And dodge everything else. But then I may never know thyself. But I want to know. Everything. --Jim Broede