I want to live. Without pangs of anxiety. Without
apprehension. Just merely for the enjoyment and pleasure. Of feeling alive. Worry-free.
Of course, that’s an impossible dream. Yet, I do snatch worry-free moments. But
those instances are becoming fewer and farther between. I have anxiety attacks.
With increasing frequency. Daily. Anxiety. A peculiar feeling. Hard to
describe. It’s pervasive. Takes over my physical being. As well as the mental. Tension.
Discomfort. Apprehension. I have lost my
way. Lost my rhythm. My flow. Up at 5 in the morning. Writing this. In a state
of limbo. Somewhere between worry-free and anxiety. A neutral zone. Maybe
that’s as well as it gets these days. Fortunately, I still have a neutral gear.
An idle. A getting by. I need more. I need to thrive. Need to become fully
integrated into the life stream again. Flowing. Flowing. Thriving. Thriving. With
no thought of morrow. --Jim Broede
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