Catholicism without me, thank god

I have a vivid imagination. Some of my friends/associates would call it preposterous. Maybe insane. For instance, I’m imagining being offered the job of pope. Yes, the one and only pope. The successor of Benedict. Because the cardinals, whom I’m gonna rename the canaries and dress them in yellow, want to shake up the Holy See. With a free-thinker at the helm. A non-Catholic layman. That’s me all right. But there’s a chance I won’t get the job. Because I’ve established conditions. Such as my Italian true love must be allowed to become my chief of staff, my reliable and loyal administrative assistant. She’d become second in command at the Vatican. They’d have to take orders from her when I’m gone.  A lethal pill to swallow. For most cardinals. That’s why I’d prefer to be surrounded by more amiable and acquiescing canaries. Anyway, folks, don’t be surprised when the announcement comes. The cardinals will have picked one of their own. And Catholicism will continue down a wayward path. Without me, thank god. –Jim Broede