I don't whine.

Not everyone likes me. Especially the whiners. On the Alzheimer's message boards. I tell them, get over it. They seek pity. I decline. Make the best of your bad situation, I say. Even in the worst of times. Find solace. Focus on loving thoughts. Jeanne and I did that. During our 13 year siege with Jeanne's Alzheimer’s. Devastating at first. Thinking. A bleak future. But we come around. To the notion that we have much to savor. Become more deeply in love. With each other. Happy. Despite Alzheimer’s. I, the devoted care-giver. For those last 38 months. Jeanne enters a nursing home. The right decision. Spend 8-10 hours a day with Jeanne. Don't miss a single day. Give quality care. Loving care. Much better care than before the nursing home. Not good at 24/7 care-giving. Tired. Depressed. Stretched thin. No respite. Now, daily breaks. Upbeat. Positive. Finally. Finally. A darn good care-giver. Revitalized. Able to wheelchair Jeanne 8-10 miles a day. Miss maybe five outings in three years. Outdoors even in the middle of Minnesota winters. Jeanne wrapped in a thermal sleeping bag. Toasty warm. Indoors again. Hand-feed Jeanne lunch and supper. In her room. Soothing music. Dusk. The soft glow of an amber light. Just before bedtime. Jeanne down to the shower room. A bath. A body massage. A goodnight kiss. Jeanne improves. In meaningful ways. As if an answer to a prayer. No cure. Far from it. Still cognitively impaired. But able to smile. And call me Jim and sweetheart. Then the inevitable. Death. Last January. Holding Jeanne's hand. A whisper. Over and over. “I love you, Jeanne.” The last breath. I cry and scream. I don't whine. –Jim Broede