Maybe the problem runs deep – we just don’t know how to get along with each other. We don’t know how to be tolerant. To accept each other in an unconditional sense. To live and let live. When I see all the hostility in the world, why should I be surprised by the racial divide? Even within our own biological families there’s hostility. I see it daily on the Alzheimer Association message board. Care-givers complain about their siblings. Not doing their share. Not being sensitive enough. And those that complain – well, they often take a holier-than-thou attitude. Instead of loving even those closest to us – those that we know intimately and see on an almost daily basis -- we too often hate and despise and reject. Look at the general state of marriages. More than half of ‘em end in divorce. With acrimony. Hostility. Seems that we just don’t know how to cultivate intimate one-on-one relationships. With the people we live with. When we learn to accept each other despite our differences, we’ll have made inroads. Progress. We reject each other over relatively minor differences, it seems to me. Because we are perceived as not doing our share. Our share of caring for a loved one. We are, oh, so judgmental. Yes, I’m sounding negative. But maybe I’m just being real. At this very moment. I’m seeing the state of humanity from the dark side.
Meanwhile, I tell myself, “Jim, you are a romantic idealist. You know how to love. You’ve actually loved your dear, dear Jeanne. And that makes life worthwhile.” Yes, because I’ve managed to love one other, I know it can be done. I know it’s possible. That’s my greatest, most satisfying achievement. My inspiration. My salvation. Despite all the hate and turmoil and bickering in the world, I’ve managed to love. --Jim Broede
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6 comments:
Jim, I would like to say I am very happy. I have been married to the same man for 30 years and 76 days. We have 2 beautiful grown children A daughter 26 and a son 23. I have a house on the water, in fact sitting her watching the 2 ducks my children raised, with thier 3 ducklings. I raised my children to be caring adults.
I have 2 sisters and a brother and both of my parents are still alive. We are a very close family. Mom has dementia and we all pitch in to help with her care. Its nice we are all so close and able to keep her at home.
Every year we have a family camping trip. All 20 of us. A long weekend camping, together, cooking, hiking, rafting, sitting by the campfire. Yes we even still take mom. We also do family trips to the zoo, greenfield village, frankenmuth, even the Alz memory walk. Its wonderful.
I also took care of my mother in law who died of lung cancer 28 years ago. My father in law who died of prostrate cancer 23 years ago. Yes I cared for him in my house where he died that was his wish. To die at home. And yes I had a newborn baby at the time. I am a caring person and then and now looking back I wouldn't of had it any other way! I also cared for 2 of my grandparents both had dementia. As a family we cared for them. Its wonderful to have such a close family. That is love Jim. Saying your a lover is easy. Putting it into action is another. Showing love, by caring truly caring. Not fake, pretend caring. I see you loved your wife there is no questioning there. Yet as you state you had only 2 "friends" no close family. A loner. Is that by your own choice or is that due to the fact that you don't listen to what others say? I have been on the Alz site a very long time. Your posts don't show your "love" You continue to try and show your helpful side. Your good side. Yet post after post, week after week, year after year, you feel the need to cram "your ideas" down peoples throats. You don't listen to others, its like you only see 1 way at everything, your way. There are many solutions to different problems. Not just "Jims" way. Right or wrong everyone must learn from mistakes. Example the suicide issue, all I stated was I thought your use words reguarding that was wrong. I hold nothing against one that takes thier own life. That choice isn't for me to forgive. But if I can prevent one a great feeling. In most cases that is just giving someone to talk to that will listen.
I'm happy too. I have children and grandchildren, a husband, parents and grandparents. I've been a care giver for a mother-in-law and no matter how hard that was we got through it by being honest about our bad days and our good ones. We didn't consider it "whining" to say there are tough times when it breaks your heart.
We didn't "get over it" when she died. We made peace with it.
I lost a dear friend to suicide when I was young. I was the worst thing ever. I wondered what I could have done to keep her alive.
It wasn't "heroic" nor do I judge her.
I don't try to "intimidate" anyone. I treat fairly and I am not "amused" by someone being upset.
Have you ever taken an honest look at the things you write? Honest, deep, no illusions look? It is creepy. After I read it I feel sick and sorry for you.
You don't intimidate. You are simply off putting.
Fewer people are looking in because it is always the same. You are right and the world is wrong.
Soon no one will come here.
How can you still write to people on the Alzheimer's forum and come here and call them names? Authentic, hardly. That is childish at best and very disturbed at worst.
We are happy but in a healthy way not in a manner that requires us to proclaim our superiority over everyone (sibs, care givers, Christians, everyone except...nope it is everyone.
Now I'm going to go enjoy the people in my life. Real people not just those who come to read this blog of blabbering about Broede.
jstme:
You make sense. And you present a good case, good thoughts. And you do it in a polite and courteous manner. You set a good example. And I can understand how you'd gauge me as less than perfect. Believe me, I do the same with myself. I've made over 6,000 posts on the Alzheimer's message board since November 2003. All kinds of posts. Some very caring posts. Some funny ones. Some critical ones. Oh, what a variety of posts. One can find lots of things in those posts. Just depends what kind of case you want to make. If you think I've been overall bad for the message boards, so be it. Some think I've been good. Some think I've been bad, an overall detriment. And others land somewhere inbetween with their opinions. Personally, I think folks are a little bit right about me and a little bit wrong, no matter where their opinion lands. I guess I just consider myself a pretty nice and decent guy. I like myself. I'm at peace with myself. I consider myself a good writer, a good human being. And I consider myself opinionated, too. And relatively harmless. --Jim Broede
Dear Anonymous:
Thank you for your thoughts. And the criticism. Maybe I deserve some of it. I'm not perfect. I just love to live. To be alive. To be conscious. And to be relatively happy. I cherish life. And that may make me seem condescending. Superior. Well, when one feels good, one does feel superior. Not better than everybody else. But some days, I can't help it. I have to jump in the air and click my heels. And thank god for blessing me with the good life. And with relative happiness. And I proclaim it. I'm audacious enough to be opposed to whining. I try not to whine myself. But still, sometimes I do whine. But even when I'm down, I try to look for the bright side of life. To thank god for the little things. I talk to god. I have conversations with him. And he tells me it's important to pursue happiness. And to love life, period. And so that's what I try to do. I follow god's command. --Jim Broede
Well Jim I am very sorry that I refuse to argue with you. You may twist, jump thru hoops, spin around telling me all about your posts. You see I been around a very long time, You just don't know me for I do not call attention upon myself with duel posts. Also I didn't really see that I was using a gauge meter on you. I was simply showing you that you do not have the only way. Right or wrong its not for me to judge. Those who judge need to live with it
jstme:
I don't judge, either. But I don't hesitate to give my opinions. Wide-ranging opinions. On all sorts of issues. Political. Religious. Social. You name it. But I don't foist my views on anyone. They are take it or leave propositions. If you want to know what I think about this or that, I've probably got an opinion. I think it's wonderful to have ideas and to be able to express 'em. To agree and disagree with people. Preferably in a polite and courteous manner. And sometimes I change my opinions. I've got an open mind, believe it or not. I can be swayed by a solid argument. And usually I'm not offended if someone disagrees with me. But I don't like it when people get nasty. You seem like a nice person. Civil. Polite. Considerate. Kind. Intelligent. --Jim Broede
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