Thursday, October 4, 2007
...the help they need now.
Believe me, some of the care-givers I’ve stumbled across on the Alzheimer’s message boards have no business being care-givers. They are whiners. Babies. Feeling sorry for themselves. And probably doing irreparable harm to their patients. They are overworked, overstressed and out of sorts. Not good for any care-giver. Makes them far less than at their best. And when I tell them they could be doing better, they often say I lack compassion. Baloney. I have compassion. For their patients. The patients get a raw deal. Far less than adequate care. I know. I was a 24/7 care-giver for a while. It wasn’t until I followed a sane regimen that my Jeanne got proper care. When I put Jeanne into a nursing home and became a supplemental care-giver, part of a care-giving team, instead of being a sole, round-the-clock care-giver. Now I was with Jeanne “only” 8-10 hours daily. Serving as her advocate and protector and captain of the care-giving team that included trained professionals at the nursing home. I had daily respite. So I was rested and in good mental and physical condition when I was with Jeanne. I exuded good vibes virtually all the time. Let’s face the truth, folks. Many, many of the 24/7 care-givers often exude bad vibes. Little wonder. After all, they are exhausted. Depressed. Unsuited for care-giving. And when I tell them that, so many respond with, “I’m doing the best I can.” Sorry. That ain’t good enough, folks. And that’s a dirty, rotten shame. It’s time that these care-givers recognize that they’ve got to change their ways. I don’t know exactly how they are gonna accomplish that feat. But their patients deserve better. Far better. I raise this issue because I have compassion. For the patients. The care-givers, if they set their minds to it, can find ways to be better care-givers. The patients – well, they can’t help themselves. They are at the mercy of their care-givers. God help ‘em…because too many of them aren’t getting the help they need now. –Jim Broede
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Folks:
I want it clearly understood that when I criticize some 24/7 care-givers, I'm also criticizing myself. That is, when I was 24/7. I didn't do an adequate job of it. I was just so-so. But I became a darn good care-giver after Jeanne went into a nursing home, allowing me to be a 8-10 hour-a-day supplemental care-giver. Finally, Jeanne was getting the quality care she deserved. It was a team effort. By me and the professional staff at the nursing home. No doubt, some 24/7 care-givers can do a pretty decent job of it. But not all of 'em. Some just can't cut it. I'm sure that when I was 24/7, I did Jeanne some harm. Because I wasn't exuding good vibes all the time. I wasn't able to stay alert and with it for 24 hours a day. There was some degree of neglect. But in the last 38 months, Jeanne got top-notch care. Because I had finally learned how to be a good care-giver. Better late than never. --Jim Broede
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