On Jeanne's 10th day in a nursing home.

I keep a journal. With entries almost daily. Today, I turned back the clock to Nov. 27, 2003. And here's what was on my mind on Jeanne's 10th day in a nursing home:

Jeanne is into her 2nd week at Birchwood. And all seems to be going well. She is adjusting. I see her 3 times a day. And overall, she's rather pleasant. At least for the first hour. I can usually cajole her into an affectionate or humorous mood. I am no longer seen as the enemy, the person who makes her do things she doesn't want to do. I am recognized as her loving, sweet and affectionate husband. We smooch. More so than when we lived at home together. We were getting too much of each other. In a way, maybe that is sad to say. But on the other hand, it's important to recognize the pitfalls of Alzheimer's. It's an abnormal situation. And one must deal with it in ways that work. The nursing home or health care center (a more positive term) can be an effective tool. Especially when combined with frequent visits. I look at Birchwood as an extension of our home. It's only 3 miles away. This afternoon I walked there. A rather pleasant walk. Jeanne always recognizes me. But granddaughter Erikka tells me Jeanne didn't recognize her on a recent visit. She was calling Erikka "Jim." Confusion, I suppose. When she gets a visitor, she's used to it being me. She still uses profanity. But not as much as before, it seems to me. Occasionally, there are days when I don't hear a single swear word. I think the profanity comes when she's agitated or irritated. Possibly over little things. Like background noise. If someone scrapes a chair leg on the floor, and it makes a squeaky noise, she might yell, "Shut up!" The profanity and the "shut ups" are a form of honesty. She says what she feels. A man with a stomach hanging over his belt was standing by the elevator. Jeanne loudly announced, "My god, he's fat." My focus has been on Jeanne. But I cannot help but notice others in the memory care unit. Some are worse off than Jeanne. I should get to know them better. I should start thinking of them as part of our big, extended family. I used to have a feeling of melancholy during and after a visit to a nursing home. But that's changing. I often leave with a good feeling. I have had quality time with Jeanne. And I am convinced that Jeanne is getting more stimulation at Birchwood than she was getting at home. There are activities every day. Lots of live music. And round-the-clock contact with other residents and staff. Jeanne is mostly happy. And that's the important thing. --Jim Broede