Especially if it does the patient & care-giver harm.

Kathy feels robbed. And I have some advice for her. But first let’s listen to what Kathy has to say in a post on the Alzheimer’s message boards.

”My husband,” Kathy wrote, “was diagnosed with dementia about 18 months ago. He did very well up until about a month ago. I just cannot get over how quickly he is now declining…He now often does not know who I am or our children. He gets angry so easy these days…He is just in a confused state most of the time. He has many delusions, cannot find the bathroom, bedroom. He makes up these great stories of hunting. He seems so sad. Tonight he told me 'Kathy' (that’s me) was much nicer to him than I am. Not sure who he thought I was…

”I work full time and must continue to do so if we want to live. Our family GP (doctor) is wanting me to place him in a home. He is concerned about my health and thinks it would be better for (him). I just know it would be very hard on him not to have me and of course his little dog by his side

“This disease is just so painful! And tomorrow is our 31st anniversary. If only I could take back some of the years when we were so darn busy trying to save for the future that has now been robbed from us.”

Well, Kathy is inclined to keep her husband at home rather than put him into a nursing home. And I guess she also plans to continue to work. So she won’t be there all the time to care for him.


So this is what I told Kathy. Listen to your doctor. Place your husband. He needs extensive care. The kind he will get in placement. And it'll give you a chance to rest and to still visit him. Quite possibly daily. Bring your pet dog. Most nursing homes allow pets to come in. It's good therapy. Understand that you have to take care of yourself, and your husband, too. Make the best of the time you have left together. My Jeanne spent 38 months in a nursing home. And I was with her every day. We made the best of it. You can, too. It's not the end of the world. Not quite yet. Yes, life has its sad moments. But still, you can salvage something out of this. Just try to do the best you can under the circumstances. Life goes on.

Yes, folks, the sad thing is that some care-givers just don’t know when to stop being overwhelmed. To their own detriment. And quite often, to the detriment of their patient. Placement in assisted living or a nursing home doesn’t have to be the worst alternative. Sometimes, it can be the best option.

Some of us have got into our noggin that keeping the patient at home is always the best and only reasonable option. Sometimes, it’s the worst and most unreasonable route to go. Especially if it does the patient and the care-giver harm. –Jim Broede