...the best-functioning crappers.

Call it the Berlusconi effect, named after Italy's third-term gadfly president. That is my worst fear for the U.S. For my dear homeland. That a majority of Americans would vote against their own self-interest and ignore the real issues and elect a laughingstock. We've done it twice. With George Bush-Dick Cheney. So why not a third time? And elect Bush's surrogates? McCain-Palin. I tell my Italian friend to laugh off Berlusconi. Easy for me to say. Not living in Italy. I look at Italy, and I see Berlusconi as entertaining. And really, I suspect that's how many, many Americans see McCain-Palin. As entertaining. They don't think in terms of policy. They see interesting personalities. McCain. A war hero. Spent 5 years as a POW. A maverick. Who occasionally stands up to his fellow Republicans. He's the underdog. Written off in the primary elections. But then rallies at the end. And gets the nomination. And some Americans think it would be a great story if he rallies late in the general election campaign and wins the presidency. And then they'd have as a bonus this entertaining character -- a lame-headed slick chick who hunts caribou and moose and attends a church with a witch doctor -- just a heartbeat away from the presidency. Wow! Imagine such an administration. It'll be worth watching the entertaining news every night. Sure the economy will continue to tank. The gap will widen between the rich and poor. We'll still have 50 million people without health insurance. And instead of two wars, we'll start a costly third one. With Iran. That'll keep us glued to our television sets. But we can feel safe and comfortable in our abodes. Because we'll have a new member of the president's cabinet. Yes, Joe the Plumber, head of the Department of Plumbing. He'll guarantee that every American has a toilet that flushes. We'll be able to get rid of our crap. With the world's best functioning toilets. --Jim Broede