Maybe I haven't been born yet.

I've never had any lack of advice on how to think. And how to live. But when it comes down to it, I'm the decider. I make choices. Sure, maybe some choices are forced. By circumstances. I can even decide whether to live or not. Although, ultimately, even that may be taken out of my hands. I'm reading a book now. "A New Earth." By Eckhart Tolle. Seems to be a spiritualist. And he's got advice. I like him. He's fascinating. Gets me to think. But maybe he doesn't want me to think. Rather, to just feel. To become absorbed in life. To become alive. To be at one with existence. To be me. Might sound a bit abstract. Because I'm supposed to be me. By surrendering my ego. I largely identify myself through my ego. Always have. And in Tolle's world, that ain't good. Albeit, he wouldn't condemn me for it. Because I have to find my way. And I'm searching. I'm open. To new ways. New concepts. New everything. I'm just feeling my way through this life. Most days I don't know where I'm going. I'm evolving. And I don't know what I'm gonna become. I really don't even know what I've been. Up to now. I don't even know how to sum it up. I opened this piece by suggesting that I'm the decider. And now I'm wondering if that's really true. Maybe it isn't. Maybe I've just been drifting. Aimlessly. Maybe I'm not even alive. Maybe I haven't been born yet. --Jim Broede