Friday, November 20, 2009
Nobody should be abandoned.
When I first put my Jeanne into a nursing home, I anguished over the decision. But it turned out to be a good decision. For a variety of reasons. Jeanne got better round-the-clock care as an Alzheimer patient. And I got daily respite. And still, I was able to spend 8 to 10 hours a day with Jeanne. Didn't miss a day in a little over 3 years. I had become worn out mentally and physically by a 24/7 care-giving grind. And that's what it was. A grind. I say it was a good decision because I became Jeanne's advocate and protector at the nursing home. Her supplemental care-giver. I saw to it that she got very good care. I learned from the professionals, too. And they learned from me. That I wouldn't tolerate neglect or incompetence. Maybe I rubbed several of the nurses' aides the wrong way. I was demanding. I saw to it that Jeanne got a nightly shower, instead of the single shower a week. By giving her the showers myself. And I saw to it that Jeanne got out for fresh air. Daily. In a wheelchair. Because I took her out. And instead of dining in the congregate dining area, I hand-fed Jeanne lunch and supper in her room. And I saw to it that Jeanne had music. The kind of music she always liked. And body massages. Yes, far more attention than if I had just left Jeanne to the whiles of the nursing home staff. So, the nursing home experience turned out to be a good one. But it would have fallen way short of my expectations if I had not been there. Daily. Yes, the lesson is that nobody should be abandoned in a nursing home. --Jim Broede
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39 comments:
Sounds to me like you're the classic two-faced being. If I said I liked you -- well, then I really did like you. And I may still like you. Despite being two-faced. There were some people there that I didn't like. For instance, two of the social services directors. And I didn't hide that. One was asked to leave. By the administration. Another quit without notice after a run-in with me. Because the administrator sided with me, and not with her. I looked at it as good riddance. Hey, not everybody at Birchwood was my friend. But I have friends there. Unless, like you, they are two-faced. Anyway, I didn't tolerate shoddy care-giving. Especially by professionals. Some of the nurses aides really needed to find other professions. They were in the wrong line of work. Nice to hear that you went back to school and found a better job. Sounds like you weren't too happy at Birchwood. Maybe it was because of people like me. Or maybe you didn't have the right attitude. -- Jim
November 19, 2009 1:34 PM
Jim I am not the "classic two-faced" being. Much to the opposite. I was very professional. I was cordial with you as I should of been. I went to whom I should when I seen things I didn't like. I think I have a great attitude. You see I went on to becoming an RN. Yes I did leave birchwood, I moved to a home that I feel comfortable in. No more errors, no more people that are under paid, no more sub-standard practices. I am presently working in a top rated home, where showers are 4 times a week, rooms are spacious and well kept. I work on the memory unit with 100% caring staff. I have even attended weddings on the outside with patients, allowing family to be worry free during special moments. We have special menu's that are to order, including visitor's meals for a minimum charge of $3. We have activities from 10 am - 8 pm daily. I see no incompetence. There is no need to rub aides or any staff the wrong way we are all there to do what is best for each patient. Every day we take our clients outside for fresh air, in fact we have electric heated gazbo's when its cold out. Yet we never take them out in thunder storms. I personally would find that an unsafe practice.
So no I didn't leave because I was incompetent I left because I care. I wasn't two faced, I was doing my job. We never had bad words to one another, why because I went above and beyond what was asked of me. The residents where I am working now never have to worry about missing a hour, a day or even a week. They all know thier loved ones are always #1.
We are all advocate's. Our memory unit would blow you away. Complete with a resident's garden center.
Its not all about you jim. You don't deserve a pat on the back.
You are lucky to have found such a nice job. Sounds idyllic. Like Paradise. I imagine the place has a perfect score from state inspectors. I'd love to visit. Tell me where you are. Maybe you could give me a guided tour. I'd appreciate it. And I promise to give you a pat on the back. --Jim
Wouldn't it be nice if all nursing homes were like the one where you are at? It must be a joy coming to work. Nice teamwork. No incompetence. I hope the rates are somewhat affordable. Sounds like this is what every Alzheimer patient deserves. Jeanne would have thrived in this setting. And I could have even skipped coming some days. And not have to worry a bit. --Jim
If I ever have to go into a nursing home, I'd sure like to be in yours. Sounds a lot better than Birchwood. Albeit, I think we all made the best of the situation at Birchwood. We had teamwork there, too. Needed it. Because the place, like most nursing homes, I imagine, was understaffed. And underpaid. --Jim
And yes, I took Jeanne out every day. In a wheelchair. Even occasionally in a thunderstorm. And in snowstorms, too. She loved the outdoors. She was always adequately dressed. Even tucked inside a thermal sleeping bag in the winter. And bedecked in ponchos in the summertime rainstorms. Never did her any harm. Maybe the gods protected her. I did, too. Because I very much loved Jeanne. And I wanted her to have a good life. And she did. Despite the Alzheimer's. And I don't expect a pat on the back for it. I don't need it. My reward was Jeanne. And still is. --Jim
By the way, you sound like the perfect care-giver. With just the right attitude. The positive vibes. A good, confident grasp of life. You really have your act together. I could use you as a model. In my quest to become a better human being. --Jim
And yes, it is very much about you, isn't it? --Jim
Interesting. To think about what it means to be two-faced. Maybe people who remain anonymous, and level personal criticism at others only in that manner, are two-faced. They don't come out and identify themselves. They hide. Yes, behind anonymity. The woman posting right here, comments in this thread, has been anonymous for years. Only now did she tell us she worked as a nurse's aide at the Birchwood Health Care Center in Forest Lake. But she still stops short of divulging her name. Yet, for years, she's made snide remarks and leveled false personal accusations. Some of which have been censored. Precisely because she stays anonymous. Or, let's face it. Call it what it is. She's two-faced. --Jim
I was doing my job. That's what an anonymous poster tells me here. And that's precisely the problem. Doing our job. That's what the Nazi soldiers did during World War II. They did their job. And that's what gets us into trouble. Doing our job. And never questioning whether it's right or wrong. --Jim
Yes, even robots do their jobs. --Jim
If we really did our job, we'd fix the problems we see. But often, we just walk away. And leave the mess. --Jim
Often, because we think it's too big, too out of hand to fix. Too much of a challenge. We'd just be overwhelmed if we tried. --Jim
So we just change jobs. And allow things to fester in the place we just left. --Jim
That might be construed as not very nice. It's called fleeing. Getting away from the problem. Rather than fixing it. Just depends on one's perspective. One's interpretation of doing the right thing. --Jim
The anonymous woman posting in this thread has fled. To a haven where only the rich can afford to be. Because it'd cost too much for any but the rich. A little like living in a gated community. To hide us from the riff-raff, from the poor, from the destitute. --Jim
She ain't no Sister Theresa. --Jim
Somehow, I knew you would find something bad to say about this woman, too. It sounds to me like she finally found a place where she can yes, do her job, but do it to the best of her ability.
In the mainstream nursing homes, the workers are underpaid, and under staffed. It is virtually impossible for them to give the quality of care required and deserved by the patients.
Anyone who places a loved one in a facility should not have to feel they need to be there 8-10 hours a day, for them to get quality care. So, you are going to pay for 24 hours of care, every day, and only get 14? Most people are caring for their parents, and have jobs and young families to care for also.
Anon56
Face it, Anon56. This woman was a failure at Birchwood. She should have stuck around. And worked to fix the problems at Birchwood. Rather than flee. I stuck around. For the full 38 months and one day that Jeanne was there. And I worked to fix the problems. Even to the point of helping getting incompetent people fired. And I was there 8-10 hours daily to work with the professionals. Without pay. In essence, I was a volunteer. Birchwood was a much better place. Because of my presence. I didn't shirk my responsibility. I did my job the way it should be done. I didn't walk away. I walked right into it. This woman was a quitter. She decided to go to easy street. To work for the rich. Rather than the poor and destitute. And she portrays herself for being a model care-giver. Baloney. She's a care-giver. But I can find better models. She's in it for herself. Moreso than her patients. Oh, her patients benefit to some degree by her presence. She's not bad. But she could perform a better service at Birchwood than where she is now. I'll give her credit for bettering herself. But she could do a heck of a lot better with her attitude. Toward the patient. It's all about her. She is motivated maybe more by money, monetary reward, than service. Which isn't unusual in our capitalist culture. Let's serve ourselves and not necessarily put the common good first. --Jim
Like I said, she's no Mother/Sister Theresa. And I'm far more a devil than a saint. The thing is, I know it. --Jim
So, why did YOU quit Birchwood? Why aren't YOU still there, fixing things? Since it was such a better place when you were there, why stop? Gosh, the place must be a pit of misery by now!
You are right, she is no Mother Theresa. I didn't hear her claim to be. Everyone should strive to work at a "job" where they can do their best. Why should the residents at this other place be denied her efforts? Why should they be belittled, for having more money? You are right-nobody should be abandoned, not even the wealthy.
Why is it that you attack those who would seem to be "better" than you, in your eyes? Why is it that you only coddle those who are in complete agreement with you; who only praise you, and never question you?
So, why did YOU quit?
Anon56
Because I have other priorities now. Not the least being to focus on my current love. She needs me. I am a one-woman man. Always have been. Always will be. And that woman gets my almost undivided attention. I am at my best when I am in love. There is nothing more pleasurable, more divine. I was born to love. One woman at a time. The right woman. And I have found the right woman. Makes me blessed. --Jim
Lovers, by the way, learn to accept each other as they are. Otherwise, they are not true lovers. --Jim
Who said anything about LOVE?! Did someone mention another woman, and I missed it?
Your focus is so much on someone halfway across the globe, whom you see once a year, and you use that as an excuse to quit? What about the other 51 weeks of the year? You lament on how other people need care, need relief, on and on, yet you have the ability to actually do something, and you don't??
So, why did YOU quit Birchwood?
And I want to thank all idiots for adding to the crass entertainment value of this blog. --Jim
You are right, it is not my business, but you post it in a public place. So, I have the facts you print. Oh, by the way, it is a good practice to announce to the world when you are gone from your house, and for how long.
All I'm saying is there is no credibility to your accusations, if you do the same, and you do nothing about situations you b*tch about, when you could.
Your priorities seem to be writing love letters, and complaining and name-calling here. Fine. Just don't be hesitant to label yourself a hypocrite, along with those other titles.
Idiot #2, second only to you.
I bitch about lots of things. So many things that I can't possibly do something about all of 'em. But that shouldn't stop me from bitching. I can't fix the whole world. But I feel free to bitch about it. Anyway, I have to choose my priorities. Can't do everything. I put the emphasis on my loving relationship. Yes, I'm focused on what's going right. On pleasure. Beats bitching all the time. Really, maybe I spend only 1 hour a day bitching. The rest of the time I'm loving. If I spent 8-10 hours a day at Birchwood, I wouldn't have time for my current love. --Jim
And hey, I don't announce every time I'm away. And when I'm away, I have a house-sitter. To take care of things. Such as my dear cats, Loverboy and Chenuska. --Jim
I'm an idiot. But not always a complete idiot. Give me credit. Also, I am an extraordinary lover. Might surprise you. Give me credit again. --Jim
And I don't announce when my lover is with me here in Minnesota. I think that would be in poor taste. She's entitled to privacy. She knows me quite well. And I know her quite well. Let that suffice. --Jim
I'm busy as a beaver. Or is it a bee? --Jim
The thing about the former Birchwood Health Care Center nurse's aide that has posted in this blog, is her dishonesty. Her sneakiness. She's been posting snide comments here for years. Anonymously. And she'd often imply that she knew me. That she was closer than I imagined. As if, beware. She'd take me to task. For taking my dear Alzheimer-afflicted Jeanne out in a wheelchair. During summertime rain and thunderstorms. Saying I was irresponsible. But hey, I knew what I was doing. Maybe I posed both Jeanne and me to some degree of risk. But turns out, I took Jeanne outdoors for virtually every day in the last 3 years of her life. Didn't matter whether it snowed or rained or was hotter than blazes. It was good for Jeanne. And I knew it. It stimulated Jeanne. Mentally. Physically. She even enjoyed the rain dripping down her nose. I could see it on her beautiful face. The smile. The pleasure. The joy. Even in the wintertime. Tucked inside a thermal sleeping bag. When she returned to the nursing home, she had a glow. A special exuberance. The exposure to fresh air. The motion of moving about in a wheelchair. It all added up. To much-needed stimulation. Jeanne lived for 13 years with Alzheimer's. Longer than many. Maybe because she got the stimulation. I knew Jeanne. Intimately. For 38 years we were married. Lovers. I loved Jeanne dearly. I lived and died for Jeanne. I was devoted. And we took risks. Together. Because Jeanne always wanted to live. And I saw to it that she lived...even with Alzheimer's. --Jim Broede
Another thing we did. My granddaughter and I took Jeanne to Europe a year or two before she entered a nursing home with Alzheimer's. Again, a calculated risk. But we thought Jeanne had enough left of her mind, to still appreciate something of Europe. To make one last trip. Before her mind faded. Before she died. And I'm happy we did. Sure, there was an accident. Jeanne fell in the shower. Broke a wrist. That curbed some of her traveling. But still, she went down the Rhine River. Walked into cathedrals. Flew over an ocean. And knew that we were all having a good time. Together. Yes, one last outing, one more big surge of stimulation for dear Jeanne. Living life. Yes, no regrets. --Jim Broede
When Jeanne was in the mid-stages of Alzheimer's, I took her to Arizona. For six weeks. In the wintertime. A welcome break from the snow and cold of Minnesota. Ah, what a good time. Wonderful memories. Jeanne was still relatively with it. But she did fall. Broke a suborbital bone beneath her left eye. Needed surgery at the Mayo Clinic. Spent one night in the hospital. But hey, if that was the price to pay for a winter of content, so be it. Indeed, a small price. --Jim Broede
My goodness, I have been away with my real life and now I am called everything but human!
Jim the place of my employment is not only for the rich and famous. We accept Medicare and Medicaid. Of course we also accept private pay. As I stated we are one of the top rated homes in the state.
The reason I left Birchwood is my business. Although since you feel it was my duty to stay there and make the changes myself, I will tell you. I got married after finishing school. My husband got transfered and guess what, I wanted to be with him. Like I stated earlier, I did my job. I went beyond 110%. I cared about each resident as if they were family. There is no way I could of changed Birchwood myself. So I did what I could for those I cared for. I guess I should of taken my paycheck and divided it among those that cried they didn't get paid enough. Maybe with the few extra dollars I could of gotten them to care? Its the owners that needed to change things, not me.
You have been and still are alot of talk. Talk (typing) is cheap. Actions speak much louder than words (typing). I never claimed to be Mother Theresa, all I claimed was to care. Yes, I am in love and moved with my husband and found new employment, shame on me. At least I followed my dreams, I am happy, and my passion of caring is being fulfilled. I speak honestly, my actions do speak louder and any words.
I do not and will not be reading this blog 24/7. I have a real life that I am enjoying fully. Being on the internet isn't as fulling. Not everyone sits on the computer 20 hours a day.
Oh and just for your information Jim, I did report Birchwood to the state. Before I left MN.
You and I are alike in some ways. We both think we did our jobs, so to speak. To the tune of 110 percent. But we both think that the other came up short. I think you're a lot of talk. And you think I'm a lot of talk. You have been full of snide remarks in your earlier anonymous posts. With lots of misinformation. And you showed your ignorance of Birchwood. In that you didn't even know the place had a rather sizeable chapel. You should have looked around a bit more. Maybe your knowledge was too limited to the memory care unit on the second floor. Like most nursing homes, Birchwood left much to be desired. But it wasn't gawd awful. I was able to make something of it. For Jeanne. Not nearly as much for others. Albeit, I tried. I found it was possible to get things done. To make positive changes. There was a new administrator after you left. And she was good. Better than the previous one. I hit it off with her quite well. Things were on the upswing when I left. --Jim Broede
I think we each have misgauged each other to some extent. But that's often the story of life. Let's concede. That we both care. In our own ways. --Jim
And nice to hear that you are married and in love. Nothing better than being in love, isn't it? Everything else pales in comparison. --Jim
As for you, Katlyn, the comment you submitted will be printed only if you remove one offending sentence. I'm sure you know which one. It violates the high standards we have set for this amazing and elegant blog. You must learn to act and speak more like a lady. You have the option to resubmit in a cleansed manner. And thank you for using your first name. I like the sound of it. Sounds suitable for a lady. Now live up to it. --Jim
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