Tuesday, November 10, 2009
...a societal obligation.
I understand why some Alzheimer care-givers are annoyed with me for suggesting that they may be causing their patients harm. But hey, somebody has to stand up for the patients. They can hardly stand up for themselves. They are vulnerable. Care-givers are well-intentioned, I'm sure. But anyone that becomes overwhelmed and physically and mentally exhausted poses a danger to the self and to the patient. We shouldn't allow that to become an excuse for maltreating the patient. Let's find ways to give care-givers relief. Yes, help. It should become a societal obligation. --Jim Broede
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15 comments:
For you to even suggest that the caregivers on the message boards are harming their loved ones in any way, show just how far from reality you really are. You have no proof, you don't even have reason to suspect them, let alone print it.
You think that, just because someone complains in a post, or asks for help, that they are weak and a danger.
We get one small glimpse of a day-in-the-life, certainly no where near enough information to make the kinds of accusations you do.
We give caregivers relief in the form of gentle, compassionate support and guidance. That is what the message board is for. Not for your judgments. You should have been banned, not simply suspended.
I am sorry I even came to take a look here.
I'm not talking about all care-givers. Only a select few. Most of 'em do a pretty good job of it. But some work themselves into frenzy. And maltreat their patients. Unintentionally, of course, by allowing themselves to become exhausted mentally and physically. They need relief. And I want 'em to get it. For the sake of their patients. Good intentions aren't enough. We shouldn't kow-tow to care-givers who possibly do more harm than good. Isn't that reasonable? --Jim Broede
And I'm not necessarily talking about care-givers on the Alzheimer's message boards. I know of some personally. Right here in the community where I live. They are under duress. They need respite. They need to take time off. To recuperate. By golly, the 24/7 grind is too much for 'em. They wear out. They burn out. And a burned out care-giver isn't good for the patient. --Jim Broede
There is a way to help, and a way to hinder. You choose to hinder, throwing accusations. If you think someone is harming their loved one, they should be reported, not talked about, like you do. AND you should address those few, not a group, not make generalizations.
Some of you care-givers who take umbrage with me sound angry. No reason to be angry with me. We all should be concerned about our patients. We all should be concerned that many care-givers are overworked. That ain't good. The conditions under which care-givers are forced to work. That's what should make us angry. Let's point out the problems we face as dedicated care-givers. It ain't easy. It's one of the most difficult and demanding jobs one can imagine. Done under some pretty shoddy conditions and circumstances. --Jim Broede
As far as the Alzheimer's message boards go, I give care-givers there only support. I'm positive. I advocate good vibes. I'm upbeat. I don't take any of 'em to task. --Jim Broede
Broede's Broodings said...
As far as the Alzheimer's message boards go, I give care-givers there only support. I'm positive. I advocate good vibes. I'm upbeat. I don't take any of 'em to task. --Jim Broede
November 10, 2009 11:43 AM
I for one found you to be anything but help on the Alz board. Your good vibes did nothing for me at all. You made me feel I wasn't taking good care of my mother. You made me feel like shit. I DID take good care of my mother, in fact I took DAMN good care of her. After I left the board, I realized that everything you were saying was bs. All you did for me on the board was stress me out. So I do thank you because it was you, alone that took me away from that forum. It was for that reason I am what I am today. A caregiver, a daughter and I also work with Alz. patients in a daycare setting. So to anyone that is reading this reads Jim's good vibes posts, or is called names for having a bad day or hour ignore him. If you don't have good and bad times you wouldn't be human. Love what you have.
I don't have the power to make anyone feel like shit. Not with my words. You choose to make yourself feel like shit. Seems to me like you are feeling better now. And that's to your credit. You've made a nice choice. But if you begin to feel like shit again, don't blame me. Blame yourself. Accept the credit. Accept the blame. Whatever. I'm an advocate of good vibes therapy. You can take it or leave it. It's not required. Either way, I recommend that you try hard to not feel like shit. Remember, first and foremost, it's your choice. Not my choice. You don't even know me. So why would you allow me to make you feel like shit? That's absurd. --Jim
By the way, you seem to be exuding good vibes now. Maybe that's why you no longer feel like shit. You are doing exactly as I initially suggested. Practicing good vibes therapy. Keep up the good work. You are finally catching on. --Jim
Another thing. Care-givers don't have to feel good all the time. Nobody does. Daily life has its ups and downs. But a good care-giver should always try to exude good vibes in the presence of the patient. Even if you are feeling bad, still find ways to be pleasant with the patient. Because the patient is more likely to thrive in low-stress and no-stress situations. If you aren't 'up,' act as if you are up. Don't be a grouch or a winer when with the patient. Save that for later. Let off steam away from the patient. If you want to step outdoors and scream, that's all right. But don't scream at the patient. Ever. --Jim
Look at it this way, care-givers. I spent 13 years getting my care-giver act together. I certainly didn't start out as the best care-giver in the world. In fact, I was pretty bad. It was on-the-job training. I certainly did far better in the last 3 years than in the first 3 years. But one thing I did was never blame other care-givers for my blunders. I blamed myself. Yes, I blamed myself for my failures. And I credited myself for my successes. And heck, I got all kinds of advice. On and off the Alzheimer message boards. I weighed it all. Accepted some. Rejected some. Yes, I felt my own way. And learned. But I didn't play the blame game. I'm proud of that. --Jim Broede
Face it, care-givers. We all make mistakes along the way. The best bet is to learn from 'em. The worst thing is to never learn. To just wallow in self-pity. To never fix things. The care-giving experience can make one a better human being. Or it can make one an emotional wreck. There are all sorts of outcomes. That's the nature of life. In the end, it's largely a case of attitude adjustment. Of learning how to generate good vibes. That sure beats bad vibes. I challenge the bad vibes care-givers to turn it around. Quit griping. And make the best of it. --Jim Broede
And it's no sin for a care-giver to admit that he/she isn't cut out for the role. --Jim
There is absolutely nothing in the writings on the message boards that suggests the caregivers are mistreating or being " a grouch or a winer when with the patient". That is your assumption. They unload that at the boards. That is one of its purposes-not to judge.
We all make judgments every day. It's a part of life. We decide between right and wrong. Can't get through life without making judgments. If I see somebody robbing a bank, I make a judgment. That's wrong. One shouldn't do it. If I see somebody kick his dog, I object. That's wrong. If a care-giver tells me she's exhausted and out of sorts and beligerent because she hasn't had a break for 20 hours, I make a judgment call. That's wrong. Because she's probably hurting herself and her patient. And if this happens day after day after day, I make another judgment call. Something should be done about it. To correct the problem. And it is a problem. A problem that shouldn't be overlooked. Let's not pretend that the problem doesn't exist. Alzheimer patients deserve better care. And care-givers deserve proper respite. And that's what I'm for. Proper care. Proper respite. --Jim Broede
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