Until I learned better.

I tend to rub some care-givers the wrong way. Especially those with Alzheimer patients. And particularly those who feel dreadfully sorry for themselves. I was a care-giver for my dear Jeanne for 13 years. To varying degrees. From full-time to part-time. In the last 38 months of Jeanne's life, I was an 8-10-hour-a-day care-giver. Didn't miss a day. Supplementing the care Jeanne received from professionals in a nursing home. That was the most sane approach. Because I got daily respite. And I was able to be upbeat and positive with Jeanne on a daily basis. Anyway, over the years, I took issue with crabby care-givers. Because for the most part, they aren't good for their patients. I've been a strong advocate of good vibes therapy. Because Alzheimer patients are more likely to thrive under low-stress or no-stress situations. And with positive stimulation. That's what I tried to do with Jeanne in the last three years. I'd play soft, soothing music. Hand-fed her in the quiet of her room rather than in the congregate dining area. Took her for daily outdoor romps in a wheelchair. Even in the wintertime. When I tucked her in a thermal sleeping bag. I also gave her a nightly shower and a body massage. I brought her home often. In a wheelchair. I took her for car rides into the countryside. I combed her hair. Oh, so many things. Most importantly, I learned to never allow her to see me angry or upset. And I talked to her in a soothing manner. Face to face. And yes, I took issue with some care-givers. For doing what I used to do. The way I treated Jeanne in earlier years. When I didn't quite understand that you don't expose Alzheimer patients to negative vibes, period. Ever. You find ways to cope. And to do the right thing. Some may say I lack adequate empathy for other care-givers. But that ain't so. Instead, I think it's more a case that some care-givers don't have sufficient empathy for their patients. That used to include me. Until I learned better. --Jim Broede