Wednesday, December 30, 2009
A sad state of affairs.
I think Alzheimer care-givers may be the biggest collection of crackpots I've ever known. That's not surprising. Because they are under lots of stress. Day in and day out. They often see loved ones fading away. In absurd and sad ways. Causes lots of anguish. And self-pity. Makes some care-givers a bit crazy. Even downright nuts. I've known care-givers in worse mental shape than their patients. And I've let it be known. That maybe they ought to get out of care-giving. Because they could be doing more harm than good. To the patient. And to themselves. I've alienated some care-givers. They think I should be more understanding of the care-givers' plight. And that I should show more compassion. And I do. Toward the patients. Some care-givers have no business being care-givers. Maybe Alzheimer care-givers should be licensed, and put through rigid training. Because they often are ill-equipped mentally and physically to be care-givers. We license doctors and nurses and all sorts of medical personnel. But family care-givers have free rein. And that has created a sad state of affairs. --Jim Broede
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13 comments:
This shouldn't detract from the many care-givers that are doing good jobs. Because they find ways to hold themselves together. Or because they get help. They cope. They have what it takes to be good care-givers. That's a blessing. And I give 'em credit. But others -- well, they're in over their heads. They aren't equipped for it. They aren't up to the daily grind. It's best that they acknowledge it. Rather than do irreparable harm. --Jim
Perhaps those that aren't equipped aren't so much in denial as they are unable to see themselves accurately. Not an uncommon problem of course, but how can we help them?
I'd like to see organizations of volunteers in local communities that make themselves available to relieve beleaguered care-givers. Give them time off. Respite. To recuperate. Even a half-day off can do wonders. The volunteers would work for free. People like me. If I had had such relief, maybe I could have kept Jeanne at home a while longer. The 24/7 grind with no time off will exhaust even the best of Alzheimer care-givers. Some of 'em break down. And some are simply not cut out to be care-givers. That's no shame. But it's important that they recognize it and look for alternatives. --Jim
If Mr Broede was as aware as he tries to make us believe, he would know that there is help for caregivers. Much more help than just telling everyone that everything will be great with "just" good vibes. There are orgnizations that have volunteers, there are many respite centers, there are many daycare centers. Not everyone has made themselves live in a bubble with no friends or family. If a caregiver states its been an exhausting day, Jim jumps on them with both feet. "Your a crackpot, you are harming your loved one" All untrue. Everyone has ups and downs. A nursing home (like he did) are not always the answer. Many nursing homes are NOT the answer. With the cost of a home being (normally) over $5000.00 a month. Would that cost the loved one a even bigger amount of stress? Then we have owners of nursing homes that only operate for a profit, causing the aides to work for min wage. Turn over of employee's in most nursing homes is very high. (fact)
As with any long term disease there will be stress. Alz unlike something like cancer one can live a very long time. Most die from pneumonia, does that have to do with the caregiver?
There ain't nearly enough help. Only a token amount. Too many care-givers are pushed over the brink. As a society, we could be doing far more. --Jim
My guess is that a fair number of care-givers die from stress-related maladies before their patients die of Alzheimer-related maladies. --Jim
Some care-givers are unintentionally mean/cruel to their patients. Because they lose control. Because they break down. Because they don't get relief. Sad. Sad. Sad. --Jim
Jim I had no trouble getting the help I needed. I cared for 2 loved ones at one time. There is help out there. Daycare's free will offering. Respite centers 24/7 help for $100.00 a week. Volunteers willing to come help, many of which at one time cared for loved ones themselves. I guess those that live without family and friends would find it hard to care for loved ones. I don't know anyone that shuts out the world.
To quickly quote you:
Blogger Broede's Broodings said...
Some care-givers are unintentionally mean/cruel to their patients. Because they lose control. Because they break down. Because they don't get relief. Sad. Sad. Sad. --Jim
January 2, 2010 8:23 AM
Yes that is very sad. Sad some people just don't understand what the patients true needs are. They assume things about the patients and cause harm. I guess that is why caregivers need to be informed. That information is out there for those that look for it.
You have set a good example for care-givers. You find ways to make it work. Shows that it can be done. But it takes a lot of learning. On-the-job training. But some need more help than others. It's important that they get it. Unfortunately, some don't. For one reason or another. --Jim
" The volunteers would work for free. People like me."
People LIKE you, but NOT you. Why don't you make it your personal goal, to get off your behind, and DO something! You are so quick to judge and patronize. You build a complete scenario from a glimpse in someone's day.
Do you KNOW someone who is harming their loved one? Have you offered to find services for someone? Have you EVER volunteered? Hey, why don't you go back to your newspaper, and write a column-for free-about services available to caregivers. Why don't you take a piece of your precious leisure, and post some resources you can find on the internet? Why don't you post that helpful information in the message boards?
BTW, I am not the anonymous above. That anonymoous is correct-there ARE services in almost every community, if one seeks them out. You cannot get help, unless you ask for it. Unfortunately, some caregivers are sooo consumed with caregiving, they have no time to find help.
But YOU. YOU have the resources, and TIME, to assist, if you cared to do so.
Listen lady, I do get off my behind. I work out daily. Walk at least 6 miles. Many days more than that. I'm an exercise freak. I've seen pictures of some of you ladies. And you look like sumo wrestlers. You are the ones that should get off your fat asses. I'm busy as a beaver. Being a romantic idealist, a free-thinker, a liberal and a lover. Many, many pursuits. If I listed 'em all here, you'd call me a braggart. I put my time to good, productive use. --Jim
That's right, all for YOU, YOU, YOU. Stroke, stroke, stroke. That's what makes your writings about others needing help so hypocritical. You are only interested in helping yourself.
I'm for the common good. I'm a very active liberal. I'm a socialist at heart. I'm a critic of capitalism. I want a spreading of the wealth. A narrowing of the gap between the rich and the poor. --Jim
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