Learn to wipe your own ass.

When I hear people make small stuff into big stuff, I often counter by taking something even smaller and making it seem immense. Even gargantuan. I try to make them see what they are doing. Blowing things way out of proportion. It happens every day. And journalists are good at making something out of nothing. I should know. I’ve spent most of my life writing for newspapers. Sensationalizing things. Today, for instance, I’d blow up the little known fact that some school districts, in an effort to cut budget, no longer furnish teacher restrooms with toilet paper. I’d make a big entertaining stink of it. Even though it probably isn’t such a big deal. Because teachers have learned to bring their own toilet paper to school. They cope. They adjust to austerity programs. Often with good humor. They accept the absurdities of life. Yes, if you want a clean wipe the easy solution is in your own hands. Don’t rely on anyone else to wipe your ass. –Jim Broede