In good conscience.

One has choices on how one wants to interpret life. And the events in one’s life. Such as my father’s suicide. My brother makes a choice. My sister makes a choice. I make a choice. Three different choices. I suggest that my brother and my sister made negative choices. They lament. They allow the event to bother them. Even in later life. Meanwhile, I make a positive choice. I see the suicide as a heroic act. It generates much good for the family. Far more good than the contrary. I could write a novel, include such an event, and make it all come out like a blessed event. Here's how I look at life. In the long term. And in my personal life. I am what I am, in part, because of the way I interpret life and events. In a relatively positive manner. I end up living a relatively happy life. I chose my course. My attitude. My philosophy of life. Some people may say I’m fooling myself. That a ‘normal’ being would think more like my brother and my sister. That they are being more realistic. Being bothered by a family suicide. Facing the truth. Yes, I concede they are facing truth. After all, one’s truth is one’s truth. My truth is my truth. Just as true as my brother’s and my sister’s truths. I have designed my life to live by my truth. The others have designed to live by their truths. To each his/her own. I’ve learned to take responsibility for my life. If someone close to me commits suicide, it’s their choice. Not my choice. Their life. Not my life. Not my responsibility. Therefore, I don’t generally go on guilt trips. I don’t think I would (go on a guilt trip) if my sister or my brother killed themselves. They would have made their own choices. Not me. I would have encouraged them not to do it. And I would have done the same for my father. I would have told him not to do it. To learn to love life. But ultimately, it’s up to them. I don’t have the power to control their decisions. And I don’t know that I would want to. Incidentally, I don’t consider it an immoral act to commit suicide. I wouldn’t want to kill myself. I love life too much to want to do it. But could I ever change my mind? Certainly. But right now, I’m more in the mood to want to live forever. Happily. And without feeling guilty about it. Or about most of my life decisions. Yes, I can live with 'em. Happily. In good conscience. --Jim