I want a conscious forever.

Could be that I'm not keeping up with a constantly changing world. Because I'm isolating myself. Not participating. I'm able more and more to live in a cocoon. My cocoon. If I choose, I can get by with virtually no human contact. For a day or two or three. By staying home. Or by intentionally ignoring people. I can stop reading the newspaper. And keep off the TV and radio. The computer, too. And I have enough provisions in the house to last for weeks, if not months. I wouldn't have to answer the telephone. Of course, I resist the temptation to completely shut off/out the rest of the world. And I'd find it difficult, if not impossible, to refrain from contacting my Italian true love on any given day. No sense in denying myself the finer things in life. Human, loving contact. Come to think of it, maybe it's impossible to shut off life. Unless one dies. Even in isolation, life goes on. One can't get away from it. And I really don't want to. Because I think of life as precious. Can't remember if and when I ever thought of life as less than precious. Maybe I've been so sad on rare occasion that I wouldn't have minded if I died. But maybe I was only pretending. I suppose, though, that I'm often unaware of my existence. When I sleep. Soundly. Maybe sleep is a blessing. Gives me a break. Maybe nobody can stay completely conscious/awake forever and ever. For every single moment. Yes, I welcome sleep. It's one of the great pleasures of life. Maybe that's the way one should think of death. As eternal sleep. But no, I don't want that. I want a conscious forever. --Jim Broede