In the most natural way possible.

I suspect Ed wanted to die. He was 90. And lived a full life. I didn’t really get to know Ed until three years ago. He lived in my neighborhood. I had seen him many times. On my daily walks. For a long time, I didn’t even know his name. But then I decided to take a keener interest. In my neighbors. Ed was a veteran of World War II. A mechanic. On a plane. That bombed the hell out of Germany. He also had a hobby. A woodcarver. Ed’s wife died many years ago. He lived alone. In a lake shore home. Ed was a jovial fella. Enjoyed life. Took daily jaunts on his motor scooter. Stopped and gabbed with people.  Ed was slowing down. Not necessarily by choice. A caregiver came in daily. To prepare meals. And to assist with household chores. Ed stayed alone every night.  Children and grandchildren encouraged Ed to leave his lake home. And go to the big city, Minneapolis, to live at the Veterans Home. A nursing home, really. In a month, Ed was dead. Natural causes. But I wonder. How many old people will themselves to die. An intentional sort of thing. Fulfillment of a death wish. A form of suicide. My mother did it. At age 88. Ed could have decided he no longer had reason to live.  My father made a similar decision. At 38. Killed himself. Death was ruled an obvious suicide. Only difference, it was by traditional means. As for Ed and my mother – well, they had ‘natural’ deaths. Still, maybe it amounted to a a less obvious kind of suicide.  Tired of life. They willed themselves to die. To stop breathing. To take their own lives. In the most natural way possible.  –Jim Broede