I've found the secret.

I’m a lover. Of life. But I do understand. How some people fall out of love. And choose to take their own lives.  Maybe that’s because I have many of the same genes as my father. He committed suicide. When he was a relatively young man. At 38. I suspect he was in love with life, too. In his own way. But some how, some way, his life went awry.  Out of control. He became an habitual gambler. Yes, he liked to take chances. He loved to win. Maybe that’s how he got his kicks. His pleasure.  But gamblers lose, too. And that ain’t pleasure. Especially if it’s money. Maybe dad was in love. With money. With the security and pleasure that it brought.  Possibly, dad was in love with the wrong thing. Instead of with the boundless spiritual wonders of life itself. Yes, being fully alive and conscious. That far better than being monetarily rich. Dad’s ultimate goal was the ecstasy that comes with a big win. On a bet. On a gamble. He was willing to risk it all. To take a chance. To risk even life itself.  In his screwed up search for real happiness. Anyway, here I am. His son. Thinking I’ve found the secret. That he was looking for.  I cherish being alive and conscious. And truly in love.  With life itself. That's all it takes. After all, that's everything. –Jim Broede