Putting life and death in perspective.

I don't feel right. Don't know exactly what it is. Maybe it's the heart palpitations. I've had them off and on. All my life. It's supposed to be a benign condition. But because I had angioplasty in January. I'm bothered. Worried. Probably not any more than I worried. Decades ago. When I went through frequent bouts of palpitations. But now I'm more aware. Of my heart condition. Fact is. I now qualify as an 'old man.' Because I'm nearing 80. That's when the customary 'old' begins. I'm thinking. That maybe I am supposed to feel old. So I take more notice of any aches or pains. Thing is. I keep trying to push myself. Like walking 10 miles a day. To prove, maybe, that I'm really not so old, after all. Maybe that's a mistake. I should slow down. Do less. I should act more my age.  An old man. I don't relish the idea of dying. Never have.  In my younger days, though, I could easily speculate that I still had half of my life ahead  of me. I can't do that any more. Hard to think that I might even have another 10 years left. That seems like too little. But I know, realistically, that the odds aren't good. That I will ever see 90. Or 85, for that matter. Every time I go to the doctor, I begin to wonder. Will they discover that I have a serious illness? As if heart disease isn't enough. Best bet is not to think all that much about it. And just get on with living. As if I was 39. Though it helps to speculate. To dream. About life after death. In another dimension. Or about reincarnation. Anything I can imagine. Is a possibility. Maybe that's how we humans cope. With the thought of our demise. I prefer that word. Over death. I have the advantage. Of being able to write about stuff like this. That helps me put life and death in an acceptable perspective. --Jim Broede