Little wonder. I love to play god.

When focused on others, I am no longer focused on myself. That can be a good thing. And a bad thing, too. Because to be beneficial to others, I have to take good care of myself. My friend Julie doesn't take care of herself. Instead, she's been far too focused in the past six years on taking care of others. She has neglected herself. And in the process, she has done harm. Not only to herself. But to the others that she's been trying to care for. It's  a vicious and destructive cycle. For everyone. We all have been guilty of this. At one time or another. I did it with my dear Jeanne. Until I put her into the nursing home. And got adequate respite. I began to take better care of myself. I still haven't fully learned the lesson. I do neglect myself. On occasion. When I am truly caring for others. I lose balance. And that makes me less of a care-giver. I have to take a few steps back. Daily. And be a little bit selfish. I take steps forward. And take steps back. I'm moving in two directions. That's the nature of life. Life isn't static. Life is fluid. In constant motion. Physically.  Mentally. Emotionally. Anyway, I'm a truly caring person. But I can be construed as uncaring, too. Especially when focused on myself. But that's a real part of being caring. I'm well aware. That if I don't take adequate care of myself --nobody else is going to do it for me. Not even a physical therapist. Or a psychotherapist. I have to take charge. On all levels. Little wonder. I love to play god. --Jim Broede