A teacher of good vibes.

I’m not sure if anyone is initially prepared for the Alzheimer’s care-giving journey. Indeed, it’s on-the-job training. Some learn better than others. Some fall by the wayside. And I feel their pain and anguish. I survived it. And became a better human being in the process. A better care-giver, too. Wish I  knew at the beginning what I knew at the end. Learning to pace one’s self. To take care of one’s self. It’s so important.  If you become exhausted mentally and physically and emotionally, you’ll be in trouble.  That’s the pity. Of so many, many of the 24/7 care-givers.  They don’t take care of themselves. They can’t go it alone. They need help. They need respite. And some don’t get it.  That was me. For a while. Until I succumbed. And put Jeanne in a nursing home. That’s when I really became a very good care-giver. Because I was a supplemental care-giver. There 8 to 10 hours daily. Didn’t miss a single day in 38 months.  I hand-fed Jeanne. In the quiet comfort  of her room. So much better than the disruptive congregate dining room. I was face-to-face with Jeanne.  We looked into each others' eyes. I brushed her teeth. Rinsed her mouth. Took her out daily. In her custom-made wheelchair.  Year-round. Even in hostile Minnesota winters. Wrapped in a thermal sleeping bag. Personally gave her a shower. Every night. After learning that the nursing home offered only one shower a week. I gave her massages, too. Nightly. As she fell asleep. To soothing recorded music. From her earphones.  This was all part of what I call good vibes therapy. I insisted that Jeanne be exposed only to good vibes. Always. From me.  From visitors. From the staff.  I became a teacher of good vibes. And yes, a decent care-giver. Because I was rested. Revived. And with Jeanne for 10 hours. Instead of 24.  I was there most of her waking hours. Caring. Caring. Caring. But then I went home. And took care of myself. So that I would be ready for the next day. I wasn’t an exhausted 24-hour care-giver anymore.  I was a loving and efficient care-giver. In so many meaningful ways. I could write a book. About what I learned on the 13-year Alzheimer care-giving journey. Instead, I merely stick around. On the Alzheimer Association message boards. In musings. Eight years after Jeanne died. To let other care-givers  know. There is life after the Alzheimer’s experience. Yes, I have gotten on. Learned to be who and what I am. A lover. A dreamer.  Amazing, isn’t it? What comes in the aftermath. Keep the faith, I tell other beleaguered care-givers.  Life gets better and better and better. Give it time. But above all else, take care of yourselves. So that you can truly care for and about others. --Jim Broede