Life ain't so bad, after all.

Possibly. I’m in mild depression. Because things didn’t go well this week. Got some bad news . Triggered an anxiety attack. Anxiety leads to depression. Depression leads to anxiety. That’s the natural course. A vicious circle. Wish it weren’t so. Having reached my 80s. Reminds me. That I’m getting old, too. And losing my dexterity and stamina. I think about dying. And how it might happen. Another depressing thought. Broedes don’t live into their 90s. I’m not afraid to die. In some ways, I may welcome death. Just to escape the anxiety and depression and decline in physical health. Not being anymore. Could be a form of relief. If I had a choice. An afterlife. Or nothingness. I’d take the afterlife. Just for the thrill of being. Alive and conscious. Though life in any form may be perilous. But so far, the pleasures have far exceeded the perils. Anyway. If I’m nothing. I won’t know it. Won’t even  know that I ever lived. That I actually experienced life. It’ll be like it never happened. For all I know, I might have lived many times before. But simply don’t remember. Maybe because I was a totally different being. An imposter. I am who and what I am. Because of my particular life experience. Had I been brought up…in a different way…in a different environment…with different experiences. Anyway. All this speculation. Probably helps me cope/combat melancholia. Keeps my mind. Fertile. Active. Occupied. Diverted from thoughts associated with depression. And sadness. I have the opportunity. To channel my mind…into more upbeat thoughts. More fanciful stuff.  Into humor. Making me laugh at myself. Exactly what I’m doing now. Declaring. Hey, life ain’t so bad, after all. Actually, it’s very, very funny. --Jim