Monday, September 10, 2007
Love is its own reward.
I think the secret to success with a dementia patient, especially a loved one, is to have fun. To be at ease. To not get flustered. To never show anger or frustration. Even if one is angry and frustrated. In other words, to exude good vibes all of the time. That's not easy. But it can come with practice. I learned to find what would comfort my Jeanne. I was always there to console her. To make her feel safe. And loved. And you know what? That was great therapy for me, too. In comforting and consoling Jeanne, I was comforting and consoling myself. In loving Jeanne, I felt like a lover. No better feeling than that. Love is its own reward. --Jim Broede
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19 comments:
jim..
you know the secret..unconditional love..
it was not about us..it was.. about them..jim..I loved the woman..my husband calls mom.
Before alzheimers and after..we loved her..there is no cure...no meds..
so we did the best we could one day at a time..and lived life..and kept margie..connected to life and family.. old friends..and she and i together even did some volunteer work..out of love for other human beings..who need a helping hand.
margie helped me at the food pantry.. and down deep..jim.. she knew she was helping others when we would go there.. as i truly believe..on some level emotionally..our loved ones understand much..
we just have to find ways to reach them..
and help them help themselves..
being a good listener and touch..and a peaceful loving environment.. were things that..worked for margie..and a routine..and exercise every single day..
i worked hard and by trial and error found ways that worked..so she could feel comfortable in our home.
there were times she would set an extra place at the table..for supper..that would bring tears to my eyes..as one x..she shared..it was for the love of her life..her husband..so he.. was somehow..still there for her..down deep..she never lost him..not really..
I have no regrets jim..and can sleep well at night..knowing..we did our best..for a family member who needed us..and if i had it to do..I'd do it all over again..
we were never ashamed of anything she said or did.. not.. once..we took her out to do normal things..in our community...most people just thought she was a sweet little old confused..lady..a bit senile at times they would think..but we were there to help her...protected her.. and never once made an excuse for her actions.. we chose to..live..love and laugh..
til she took her last breath.
and sometimes we had to be patient with strangers..as they did not understand..margie was an excellent teacher..of life lessons..she was so gentle with children and pets..she on some level always connected to them..and they loved her..
alzheimers changes a caregiver forever..it made me..even more determined..to live my life to its fullest..one day at a time..and not take one day for granted.
old george burns used to say..plan twice as much as you can do in a day...live life..
for me..its get busy living or get busy dying..as tim mcgraw said..
know what is important in your life..and what is not..I have learned that important lesson.
jim..i know you miss your jeanne..she is gone from your sight..but is still with you..
alzheimers..just another way to die..but a sad one..as our loved ones needed us for their feeling of well being..and that we gave..with love..jim..our margie was never lonely..i feel good about that..that i could give..
no matter what..we.. for our loved ones..we were there for them..i could see it in margies eyes when she would be looking for me..and the look she would give..when she found me..of relief..i was gald i could be there for her.
a positive attitude..and patience..were the answer for my little shadow..we miss her..
we pay it forward..to those we love..and yes..love is its own reward is it not..
as we are all going to die..its not if..its when. and when we help others..when they need it..it feels good..
jim broede..I learned much from you..that helped me..help my husbands mom..and all I can say is.."thank you" for being there at that moment in x..take care..love Rosie
I just wonder why rosie always calls her mother in law, her husbands mother. So I just thought I would ask, may not be any of my business. I am a person that believes no questions are stupid.
Anonymous:
I imagine Rosie calls her mother-in-law her husband's mother because she prefers that term to mother-in-law. That's what her mother-in-law is -- her husband's mother. No big deal, I guess. But maybe Rosie will have another answer. We'll see. Personally, I think husband's mother sounds better than mother-in-law. I think that most times Rosie called her husband's mother Margie.--Jim Broede
Jim---For the second time in one night...We disagree.
Like Anonymous, I believe that there is not such thing as a stupid question...but...I also believe that not all questions are worthy of an answer.
I think that question was one of them.
I sort of think there can be an intentionally stupid question. Not an unintentionally stupid question. And it could be that the intentionally stupid question doesn't deserve an answer. --Jim Broede
maebee..
I called her that out of respect..she is and was..my husbands mom..
mother in law is fine too..its a choice..
sorry if you did not like..it..or it..annoyed you..it is my way..not your way..or someone elses way..
I feel we all have unique ways of doing things and saying things..I have never had anyone ever..ask me that question ever...but you. and it was ok to ask..love Rosie
Rosie,
I do not know why you are addressing this answer to me. If I had asked the question, I would have signed my name. I have no interest, whatsoever, in how you address your Mother-in-law/husband's Mom/Margie.
MAEBEE
BTW,
Please, Jim, rosie, and skericheri, I have begun to sign in UPPERCASE letters, so that you may better see MY posts.
MAEBEE
We see you, Maebee. You are outstanding. And I think we've published 90 percent of everything you've sent. Now and then, it gets a little confusing. And really doesn't sound like you. I suspect that someone may be trying to be a bogus Maebee Baby. I want the one and only real Maebee. Maybe I'm right. Maybe I'm wrong. But I like you Maebee. --Jim Broede
Anonymous said...
I just wonder why rosie always calls her mother in law, her husbands mother. So I just thought I would ask, may not be any of my business. I am a person that believes no questions are stupid.
September 10, 2007 3:01 PM
I even said it may not be any of my business, I would of accepted that for an answer. So be it. I guess only some can be rude, others can not. Happy Bloggin, Happy Bday Jim. I can leave and will. I have never been rude to any of you.
cheri
jstme:
I hope nobody has ever said you were rude. Has anyone? I think you've been courteous and considerate. But we live in an age when people get their feathers ruffled rather easily. I think that's too bad. Maybe too many people are living on the edge. I think that especially goes for Alzheimer care-givers, and it seems a few of 'em have been lured to this blog. Anyway, I know that people have been darn rude to me. On the Alzheimer's message boards. And in this blog. But hey, I'm used to it. And sometimes, I dish my share of it back. I turn the other cheek only so often. I guess that's the nature of disputes and skirmishes and wars. Both sides refuse to turn the other cheek. And so it becomes tit for tat. Which is rather sad. Just think of it. Today is an anniversary. Yes, it's 9/11. And we are at war. And when will it end? We just can't seem to get along with each other. We are not only rude to each other. We are downright violent. We kill each other. Daily. In droves. Often in the name of our gods. Or in the name of our country. It's a bit discouraging, isn't it? --Jim Broede
"Broede's Broodings said...
jstme:
I hope nobody has ever said you were rude. Has anyone?......... "
But you did let your friend say that Cheri's question was not "worthy" of an answer.
Tell me, why are you not posting my responses? I edited the one you so objected to, and there is one about suffrage, that I have not seen yet. Have you lifted that hoop higher?
MAEBEE
Maebee:
I don't think Cherie's response was particularly rude. Just an off-hand opinion. But rudeness, I admit, is a relative thing. It's in the eye of the beholder. For instance, I've been called some pretty nasty names here and on the Alzheimer's message boards. But in many cases, I didn't take offense. Some people would have said I was being treated rudely. That I was being insulted. Instead, I chose to look at the castigation as funny. As entertaining. As sort of a joke. Because some of the stuff was so absurd that I could hardly take it seriously enough to construe it as rude. --Jim Broede
And Maebee, some of the stuff you sent in is sort of borderline acceptable/unacceptable. While I haven't deleted the stuff, I'm giving my thoughts about your stuff time to percolate. The comments may still get in. After I ponder things a little bit. You seem to be one of our more prolific contribtors, Maebee. You have a way with words. And like me, you always seem to have something to say. And I think you are getting better at it all the time. Your mind is getting stimulated, isn't it? That's one reason why I try to keep you wondering. For the stimulation. --Jim Broede
Whatever. Sorry, Jim, you do not stimulate my mind.
I have other ways to do that.
I have always had a way with words, and I have usually had something to say.
Do what you will. I didn't think you would post them anyway.
MAEBEE
Maebee:
Yes, I do find it very difficult stimulating your mind, Maebee. A mind that is closed and locked with the key thrown away is very, very hard to stimulate. --Jim Broede
Jstme—The post that I responded to was written by Anonymous and the name Cheri did not appear. As far as I was concerned...my comment (that was addressed to Jim) was directed to Anonymous...a poster that I felt was rude to me. Guess that is a risk one takes when posting under a commonly used name.
Both Anonymous and I voiced an opinion. I stand behind mine...and she no doubt would do the same with hers.
I’m actually a bit confused....Jstme, are you also Anonymous and Cheri? The time stamp showing on my comment is September 11, 2007 12:30 AM but the one showing on your version of Cheri’s comment shows 2...September 10, 2007 3:01 PM & September 11, 2007 12:16 PM. If the 09/10 time stamp is correct...How was I rude before I even commented?
Actually, my mind is very open-no key necessary. I would judge it more open than even yours. You show it, by the way you suppress responses.
MAEBEE
Maebee:
When it comes to an open mind, Maebee, you don't even have a clue. You don't even have a notion that your mind is closed. Because it probably has been closed all your life. Never once has it been opened. You are clueless. But some day, maybe someone near and dear to you will do you a favor, and forcibly crack it open. And let in sunshine and fresh air. New and unbounded thought. And it'll make you feel alive and joyous. Yes, a truly alive and conscious being for the first time in your life. You know, Maebee, that's the purpose of being on Earth. To be truly alive and conscious. --Jim Broede
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