Sunday, November 4, 2007
I want to believe in the impossible.
If one is truly in love with another, it makes life tolerable. One can have a lot go wrong in one’s life, and still be happy. By falling back on one’s love connection. In my case, with Jeanne. Something awful could happen in my job, or in some other aspect of my life. But if I had Jeanne to console me, if I had someone to love, that would pull me through. The love connection was always my sustenance. My refuge of last resort. And the same for Jeanne. Jeanne could fall back on me. I would console Jeanne. Jeanne is what made me feel not alone. And I, in turn, tried to make Jeanne feel not alone. In other words, we were kindred and loving spirits. To be there for each other. In the toughest of times. If Jeanne and I ever felt harshly about each other, if we were maybe falling out of love, we didn’t let it happen. We reconciled. And it took time for a sort of unconditional love to evolve. It took shared experiences. The kind of experiences that are cumulative – that require time. The more time we had together, the deeper the love. Love is far, far from an in instantaneous thing. One can’t eliminate the time element. When Jeanne and I got married, we might have said we were in love. But that’s all it was. An empty saying. Maybe even now that’s all it is. But all I know is that it’s much, much more than what it was 40 years ago. It was relatively shallow love then. And maybe if we had another 40 years together, we’d look back and say it was still shallow. I’m of the notion that there’s a spiritual dimension. A spirit world. I want to meet up with Jeanne again. In a place where there’s an intermingling of our spirits. A blending of our souls. A forever-ness. I want to settle for nothing less. I want it all. Everlasting love. That’s what makes me a romantic. An idealist. I want to believe in the impossible. --Jim
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3 comments:
How sad. My mate and I have been deeply in love for 40 years. It was never shallow or just something we said. It is sad that you seem to love her more in spirit than you did in life. That makes me feel so sorry for her. She deserved to be loved deeply from the first time you said the words.
Dear Anonymous:
Being “deeply in love” is a relative thing, dear anonymous. Think about it. Love is profound. As I see love, it’s continually evolving. It isn’t static. It grows. It expands. It becomes more profound. And deeper. With time. And shared experience. I loved Jeanne more after being with her 10 years, and even more so after 20 years, and still more so after 30 years. And I expect in a spirit world, my love for Jeanne will reach even more profound dimensions. I will love Jeanne forever. When I die, I am having my ashes mixed with Jeanne’s ashes. And our ashes will be buried in the old Pioneer Cemetery near our home and the tombstone will carry the words, “We Loved.” I think that says it all. –Jim Broede
I guess what I'm asking in this thread is, What is love? I'm suggesting that the mere statement, "I love you," is not enough. I'm suggesting that in some ways love is not love until it's unconditional. It's that for better or for worse thing. Just because one's spouse has Alzheimer's is no reason to stop loving him/her. In fact, it's even more reason to love. And what about the edict to love one's enemy? That's a pretty tough thing to do. How does one achieve love of one's enemy? What must one do to get there? I guess I'm suggesting that we humans tend to not love enough. And if that's the case, does it stop short of pure or unconditional love? Is it all right to put qualifications and conditions on love and still call it love? I always question whether I've loved enough. In most instances, my answer would be, no I haven't. Yes, it's quite possible I've loved to some significant degree, but, let's say, in the eyes of god, it still comes up short. I rather suspect that the overwhelming majority of us have never loved anyone unconditionally. To the point where we would even give up our lives for our "loved" one. --Jim
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