My friend from the contentious Ladies Aid Society, Maebee, thinks there's much about life that sucks. That's her word. And not least of all, she is emphatic that Alzheimer's Disease sucks. Well, I gotta agree with Maebee. But I don't let sucking get me down. I don't dwell on it. I get on with life and even tell myself that Alzheimer's was an opportunity for Jeanne and I to learn to cope with a very difficult situation. And to test our love, I guess. Therefore, the Alzheimer's experience wasn't a totally lost cause.
"Personally, I did not need Alzheimer's Disease, to teach me that I love my mother-in-law," Maebee declared in a posting on the Alzheimer's message boards. "I loved her before, and I love her now--no more, no less. It does suck! How else can you describe a disease that initially robs the mind, but not always the body? That leaves the ones that we love so much, wondering why life cannot continue the way it always had? They don't see that anything has changed! That leaves them to wonder why everyone else has to make decisions for them, sometimes as simple as to when they should go to the bathroom. To leave them wondering why no one understands what they are trying to say, even though it seems perfectly clear to them. How else can you describe a disease that ravages the minds of millions of people, yet most still believe it to be an accepted sign of age? I respectfully disagree. I think it does SUCK, and if others feel that way too, well, I see it as no reflection on their caregiving abilities, just their ability to express reality, to come here and vent their frustrations, and then to go on to the business of caring for their loved ones. Being a good wife, mother and daughter-in-law is rewarding and fulfilling to me. Watching my beloved mother-in-law go through this devastating disease is not."
Anyway, folks, I'm of the opinion that maybe a few things in life do suck, so to speak. But overall, life is wonderful. Grand. And glorious. And that certainly offsets the "sucking," many times over. I'll take life as it comes, and still try to be reasonably happy. Yes, I'll try to suck it up, and be happy that I'm alive. --Jim Broede
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8 comments:
Jim,
I think you said early that your posts are rarely pulled from the Alzheimer's message board. I enjoyed reading your posts but now I do feel you are exploiting them. It would be really nice if you could post without using the caregivers comments. It is true that 5 of your last 7 posts quote message board members. Come on, you have a lot to say and it would be nice if it was more original.
Dear Anonymous:
I appreciate your comment. But there's one thing it's important to recognize, dear anonymous. I wouldn't be able to post this thread on the Alzheimer's message boards, and get away with it. It would be censored. Because it doesn't follow the Alzheimer's ground rules to the letter. It would be contentious. What some people call stirring the pot. The Ladies Aid Society would ask that it be deleted. And probably rightly so, because it doesn't meet the Alzheimer's guidelines. Strictly speaking. But in my blog, I set the rules. I'm able to pretty much say what I want. Just as other bloggers have a right and an opportunity to say pretty much what they want in their blogs. The nice thing is that I have two rather distinct outlets to post my opinions about Alzheimer's and care-givers. On the Alzheimer's message boards, and right here in this blog. And as I say, I have more leeway here. And that keeps me happy. I don't know if that qualifies as an original thought. But it satisfies me. --Jim Broede
I understand your position. It is your blog and I've enjoyed reading some of your posts. However, I don't think I will come as often if you continue to use the caregiver’s comments. It is a free world and of course you have the right to post anything you'd like but there is a level of respect we all owe each other.
I feel the same way about a publicized cyber bully article that is clearly directed at you.
Anonymous,
You must be new to the Broede experience. His blog is nothing but recycled forum posts and attack on the people there. Why? I suspect it is because Mr. I am in love with life doesn't actually have one.
Stay tuned. You will get to read all about how lucky he feels that his father died in his 30's, his grandparents in their 20's and 30's because it all worked out great for HIM. YES, THAT IS THE BROEDE WAY OF LOOKING AT LIFE. ME ME ME ME ME.
Dear Anonymous:
Here's the way I look at life.
When people ask why god allows so many bad things to happen -- well, it's as if god in the end makes amends by creating good and happiness and love from it all.
Sure, my dad took his own life when he was 38, my maternal grandparents died in their 20s and 30s and my dear wife Jeanne had a somewhat unpleasant 13-year sojourn with Alzheimer's before she died earlier this year.
And yes, I'm saying some good sprang out of all these tragedies in my life. And I've cited example after example.
In other words, god creates good from bad. And therefore, I feel blessed. Nothing wrong with that, is there?
So I feel blessed. To the point that I'd like to thank god for making amends. Creating so much good in my life. Far, far more good than bad.
And sure, I've taken some Alzheimer care-givers to task for maybe being unfit for the job because of negative attitudes that harm their patients. And maybe that's because they are thinking more about themselves than about their patients. In some cases, they are feeling sorry for themselves and looking at life as ME, ME, ME, ME, ME. Yes, oh pity me stuff.
And it wouldn't surprise me, dear anonymous, if you are/were one of those me-centered care-givers -- who doesn't like it that I may be calling you to task.
Yes, that's right, anonymous. Some care-givers have no business being care-givers. They are unsuited for the job. Because of the poor me, poor me, poor me attitude. --Jim Broede
Maybe you are right, I am not sure. I do think there is value in questioning and asking people to think outside of the box. I might not agree with everything Mr. Broede posts and I am not as far along in my caregiver role as others but I think he offers some people some much needed advice. I don't often take advice from people I know much less someone on the internet but I wouldn't deny anyone his "feeling good vibes" if it makes them handle life a little better.
It does seem there is a lot of anger around this man. If you don't like what he says, don't read it. Take what you want and leave the rest. I for one have no energy to hate someone I don't know.
I do think it would be nice if he'd stop pulling quotes from the board as a level of respect.
Dear Anonymous:
You say "there is a level of respect we all owe each other."
I couldn't agree more.
And over the years, I have shown my detractors far more respect than they've shown me.
I think that makes me relatively respectful. Maybe not totally respectful. But hey, fairly respectful.
I think it's appropriate to treat blatantly disrespectful people with a degree of disrespect. That's just my style. You might note that I treat respectful people with the utmost respect. --Jim Broede
Jim,
I am the highly educated atheist woman from previous posts. I don't care to share my name but please don't lump me with the group you consider "inept caregivers". I am a woman who can afford to provide any care that I think is appropriate for my spouse and I know my limitations.
I don't intend to stir the pot and I am not bothered by you using my post in your blog. I believe the respect goes both ways. The Aide Society, as you call them, owe you a certain level of respect as well.
However, perhaps you should take the high road by not using their comments on the Alzheimer's Message board.
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