You are wonderful, Yvonne.

"I placed my husband in an Alzheimer's care facility," Yvonne writes on the Alzheimer's message boards. "I had always known this would come one day, but didn't see it happening so soon. Over the prior two months he had several med changes (and) was subjected to 2 tirades...I go daily to see him and feed him as he doesn't eat well unless fed. He asks me everyday when he can come home and why is he there. I have no answers for him. Sometimes I think I could handle this at home. Our children, the social worker, the staff at the care center, the doctor all say he is where he needs to be.

"My history. I was support person for 4 years for my father in law when my mother in law had Alzheimer's. The father in law needed care and was in care center for almost 5 years. We went daily to visit and provided support. I took care of all his medical related causes and managed his finances. Then my mom was ill for 5 months and I dealt with that before she died. Now my 97 year old father is in care center, has some dementia. I try to be supportive to him also. I have known for over 15 years that my husband has Alzheimer's, although it was only diagnosed in 2005. I am tired. I am enjoying my new-found freedom to be on my own. I've been marrried since I was 18 and never had a chance to be independent. I am 71. My husband is 77 and relatively healthy except for the dementia.

"I feel guilty and selfish in that I don't want to bring him home again. My kids say I'm not selfish. How do I get past this?"

You are a wonderful human being, Yvonne. Recognize that as fact. I know a wonderful human being when I see one. And you are wonderful. Now believe it. I'm wonderful, too. My Jeanne had dementia for 13 years. Alzheimer's. The last 38 months and one day of her life she spent in a nursing home. And I was with her every day. Without miss. For 8-10 hours daily. I tried to make her life bearable. Despite the disease. Because I loved her. And I knew that I was a better lover, a better care-giver, because I finally was getting daily respite. And that's what you need, Yvonne. Respite. On a daily basis. That will help you stay wonderful. A wonderful wife. A wonderful care-giver. A wonderful human being. And you won't have to feel one iota of guilt. Because there's absolutely no doubt about it. You are wonderful, Yvonne. --Jim Broede