Bring back the Pony Express.

So, you think the U.S. Postal Service is bad. Could be. But the U.S. does a darn good job compared to the gawd-awful Italians. The old American pony express did better than the Italians. I wanted to get a special letter containing a gift check to my girlfriend in Italy. By a particular date. Five days hence. So I went to my post office in Minnesota. Mailed the letter special delivery. With guaranteed delivery in 3 to 5 days. Paid postage totalling $28.95. It was posted Oct. 8. Today is Oct. 16. We're still waiting for delivery. The letter arrived in Italy Oct. 13, on the fifth day. And the U.S. postal authorities told me that's all they guaranteed. Arrival in Italy within 5 days. Then it's up to the Italians to deliver the letter. To the addressee. And that may take forever and a day. Because Italians take their good-natured time. They have a bureaucratic set up. My letter is being processed through customs. Albeit, it's only a letter. And it is moving at slower than a snail's pace. Somewhere in Milan. When it needs to end up on the island of Sardinia. And then it will be dispatched to a private courier. For delivery gawd knows when. And since it's special delivery, my girlfriend has to sign for it. So if she's not home, the letter may be stored away in some private courier archive. Never to be seen again. Of course, I'm in daily touch with my girlfriend. By audio-video connection. On Skype. Through the Internet. But I'm a romantic. I wanted something delivered the old-fashioned way. By postal mail. Oh, I wish we still had the pony express. Those were the good old days. When guaranteed delivery meant something. --Jim Broede