I don't wanna go home again.

I’m not so sure I’d ever want to go home again. I have no compulsion to live in the past. I’ve never gone to a reunion. High school or college. Maybe in the 70s I returned to my hometown. Passed through it. Just for the hell of it. But I haven’t been back since. But I suppose that if I happened to be passing nearby, I’d poke my nose in. For a few moments. Out of curiosity. Yes, that would be the compelling force. Curiosity. And yes, the place seems smaller. Because I was smaller then. A child. A foot or two shorter. So everything seemed bigger to me then. In proportion. My brother and my sister always had a tendency to live in the past. To dredge up the past. Mostly in negative and pessimistic ways. That was harmful. To their psyches. I can think of fond memories of the past. But I don’t need them. I’m occupied with the now. With today. I’m not immersed in the past. Or even the future, for that matter. I have to find ways to savor today. This moment. I don’t want to waste my time reliving the past. Although, there’s nothing wrong with analyzing some of the past. To make for a better life. At this moment. I suppose that helps me understand myself. By understanding what I once was. Seems to me I’m not the same being. I’ve learned to be far more expressive. In that sense, I don’t want to return to the past. It’s much more exciting living today. And even thinking about living forever. Evolving. Evolving. Evolving forever. Into something new and wondrous. I have more abilities, more depth now. I’m living in another dimension now. And if I live forever, there’ll be dimensions that I can’t even imagine now. I find that fascinating. And not the least bit frightening. Because I am in love. With life. With all of the possibilities. Maybe something that even goes far beyond my present notion/concept of love. --Jim