A fascinating and crazy life.

Sometimes I wonder if there is such a thing as reality. And that maybe I am just dreaming. Everything. My existence. My true love's presence. Everything. And that maybe I have the ability to shape my dream. In any which way. To whatever kind of reality/life I desire. And that my subconscious mind dictates everything. Just like my true love's subconscious mind recently dictated a dream about her being surrounded by a herd of gentle and inquisitive horses. I have this strange feeling that maybe life isn’t predetermined. That if this life/reality of mine is all a dream, I can shape actual events. Dependent on my whim. If I want the Chicago Cubs to win bad enough, they can be made to win. But I want to deny myself this pleasure. In order to toughen and discipline myself. To deny some of my most fervent wishes. Because for some odd reason, pleasure and life always going good, isn't good for the soul. Maybe the real me is an immortal being that has gone to sleep. To relax. And to dream. Of what it's like to be mortal. I’ve been created in his dream as Jim Broede. And that’s who it seems I am. Even though I might not be real. But I gotta admit I feel very real and very much alive. If I were immortal and wanted a respite from immortality, I’d try to imagine that I was mortal and had died. Death being my form of sleep. It’d make me forget that I was immortal and alive. Until I waked. Anyway, I’m not sure if I have a grasp of reality. Or if I even want to grasp such confusion. Especially if I only exist as the creation of an imaginative dreamer. Maybe I can accept that. After all, it makes for a wonderfully fascinating and crazy life. --Jim Broede