...with Vaclav Havel.

A few years ago, I was in the same room with Vaclav Havel, the president of the Czech Republic.

It was a mystical experience. To think that I was in the presence of this man. Within 100 feet of him. So thrilling that our paths had crossed in this lifetime.

There are very few personages in the entire world that I’d go out of my way to go and see if they visited the Twin Cities. But one is Havel.

I lobbied my friends at a Czech heritage organization for a ticket to an ethnic welcoming party for Havel.

Coincidentally, the same day I attended a seminary class in which we focused on the Dalai Lama and his book, “Healing Anger.”

And one of the observations of the Dalai Lama is that one can remain without any religious faith and still be a good, sensitive human being and have a sense of responsibility and commitment for a better and happier world.

That’s certainly a description that aptly fits Havel, whose theme is let’s find a way to develop a global civil society, and let’s be civil to each other.

Havel is certainly a guy who chose to heal anger rather than let it fester.

Havel’s road to president of the Czech Republic was torturous and full of obstacles and detours. His career is like a mosaic. An apprentice in a chemical factory. Student of economics and performing arts. Military service. Stage technician. Writer. Dramatist. Worker in a brewery. Editor of an influential journal. Chair of the Club of Independent Writers. Several prison sentences for prohibited political activities.

Havel grew up in a well-known entrepreneurial and intellectual family which was closely linked to the cultural and political events in Czechoslovakia from its inception in 1918. Because of these links, the communist regime did not allow him to pursue a normal education and career. As it turned out, this background was an extraordinary preparation for his intellectual and political roles at home and around the world.

I got a kick out of how the ethnic Czechs in the audience vied with each other to get up on the platform to have their photos taken with Havel. I settled for just being in the same room. –Jim Broede

...a price worth paying.

What is justice?

I suppose there’s no justice if there isn’t an afterlife.

After all, some people die at birth. Others die in the first or second year of life. Others live to ripe old ages. Some are healthy all their lives. Others are born with infirmities. Some are blessed. Others aren’t.

I suppose if there’s an afterlife, it all may even out in the long run. Right?

But what if there’s no afterlife? This is it. This is all there is.

Then it’s difficult making a case that there’s justice. That is, justice in this world. In this instant of life.

I’m thinking about this because I’ve given thought to auditing a college course titled, ‘What is justice?’

And the fact that some of us are born humans and others are born cows for slaughter – well, where’s the justice?

Maybe there’s justice in that we were all lower life forms before we were born humans. Is that it? And are there still higher forms of life that we can’t recognize because we are lower-form humans?

Are there many plateaus of life and life forms? Maybe we have to master the life form we are in now – that of a human – before we can pass to the next plateau.

And maybe those who die young automatically advance to the next plateau. Or maybe they are born again, as humans, and the next time they get a better roll of the dice. And things work out. And they live longer lives. Healthy lives.

Maybe, too, they are born on another planet in this vast cosmos. Born in another time. Or maybe the clock is some how turned back, and they have the opportunity to live the same life over again. In a different way.

Maybe those of us who want to live forever are granted our wish. Until we get tired of it all and don’t want to live any more.

So far, I have found life fascinating. I’m one who wants to live forever. But if living means suffering, then maybe I would change my mind. But if that suffering is interspersed with moments of happiness and bliss, then maybe the suffering is a price worth paying. –Jim Broede

...and that offended mother,

I offended my mother in May 1999. How do I know that? Well, I’ve been keeping my daily journal for a long, long time. Gives me a chance to go back and review my life. And my moods. And my encounters.

Anyway, mother and I chatted well into the night. We talked about how she was raised. And how she respected her mother’s side of the family. Much more so than her father’s side of the family.

Nevertheless, there was no doubt that she idolized her father.

But I tried to poke holes in the reverence she had for her dad by suggesting that maybe he had some shortcomings. And I gave some examples on which I won’t enumerate here.

But the significance is this sort of provoked mother. And she castigated me a bit. For not really understanding what it was like growing up in the 1920s. Because there were things that families didn’t talk about. That they were still locked in sort of Victorian times.

But I think mother missed my point. Which was that maybe her family lacked intimacy. And that is still the bugaboo with many, many families in modern times. That they really don’t get to know each other. They never get to know their intimate sides.

Anyway, if I was critical of mother’s father, it was for never really getting to know his one and only daughter. And her travails. He never really communicated with his daughter. One-on-one. Father to daughter. And that’s a shame.

Mother gives her father credit for being a good provider. For making ends meet. By working two jobs. Maybe even working himself to death.

And I let it be known that he and the entire family might have been better off if he worked less at hard labor. And worked more at hard communication. Talking to his daughter. On an intimate basis.

Mother said he didn’t have time for that. Well, I suggested that he didn’t have his priorities straight…and that offended mother. –Jim Broede

Racism...

It's unfortunate that there isn't more and better racial dialogue in the U.S. The social, political and economic system is geared for white supremacy, and until that changes dramatically, we are going to have lots of open and underlying hostility from blacks. It's there. And if we choose to more or less ignore it, we'll pay dearly some day. We need to start listening to the likes of the Rev. Jeremiah Wright (see thread titled 'Rev. Wright is right on') and so many, many other blacks. To start recognizing that they are sending us a message . A warning, of sorts, that shouldn't be ignored. Rev. Wright is a good man. An honest man. And he's identifying what's wrong with this country when it comes to racial matters. We are racist. Yes, conditions have improved in the last 40 years. But not nearly enough. We have a long way to go. Racism is still deeply entrenched in our national psyche. And too many of us choose not to deal with it. Or to even recognize it. --Jim Broede

...the home of god.

Maybe Paradise is a place where time stands still.

Einstein had a theory of time that allowed one to travel into space at such mind-numbing speed that one could be gone from Earth for two or three years and return to discover that one had been gone hundreds of years in terms of Earth time.

In other words, Earth time is flashing by -- for Earthlings, that is -- and not necessarily for other forms of life in the cosmos. Other forms of life capable of traveling many times faster even than the speed of light. Making it possible to live almost forever.

Maybe those of us who pass the test on Earth are allowed to evolve into a higher form of life. And the question I ponder, does that highest form reside in a place without time? A place called Paradise...perhaps the home of god. --Jim Broede

Wish she were more a woman.

No doubt about it, I'm for Obama. The first politician in a long time for which I feel an affinity. I used to like Hillary. But she's stooping to gutter politics. Which surprises me. Too mean-spirited. Maybe she has lived with Bill for too long. Interesting that much of Obama's support is with young people. Maybe there's hope for the future. Hillary is still associated too much with the past. With the old politics. I wish she were more a woman. Instead of trying to be like a man. --Jim Broede

...because I am unaware of time.

When I live day to day, I sort of lose track of time. And that’s good. Because I don’t spend so much time thinking about yesterday and tomorrow. Instead, I’m immersed in today. In now. In the moment. Living fully. Savoring the immediate experience. It’s an interesting and satisfying feeling. To be lost in the moment. Because then I seem to find my real self. Immersed in life. In living. I have become ageless…because I am unaware of time. --Jim Broede

Might fuel a protest movement...

Think of it. Thousands crippled. Paraplegics. Others with lost arms and legs. Or severe brain damage. And 4,000 soldiers killed. So many civilians, too. Innocents. Women. Children. Killed. Maimed. And the toll keeps rising. George Bush wants to tell us that it’s worth the toll. Fighting a pre-emptive war in Iraq. Of course, he’ll hope that history proves him right. But I’m guessing that history will show he’s wrong. That America took a wrong turn. A tragic turn. And so this obscene war goes on. There’ll be more death. More wounded. All this because of imagined fears. That Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction. He didn’t. Turns out George Bush exaggerated the threat. To get us into war. Yes, an unnecessary war. Expected to cost $3 trillion. Maybe more. What’s the price tag on all those lives? George Bush will tell us they’re all patriots. Fighting for freedom. Yes, patriots sent to die by politicians who mostly never served in combat. Many of them didn’t even serve in uniform. Instead, living safely at home. While others made the ultimate sacrifice. But finally, the anti-war movement is gaining momentum. Broadcaster Phil Donohue has financed a film, a documentary, that will begin showing across the country in April. Focusing on a paraplegic. A young man. A soldier that took a bullet in George Bush’s war. There are many, many like him. They’ve lived to tell their stories. But the life of a paraplegic – well, it’s not an easy life. It’s agonizing. Wouldn’t surprise me if he commits suicide one of these days. See the film, folks, if it comes to a theater near you. Start catching a glimpse of war. Not the sanitized version that the Bush administration would like us to see. Bush doesn’t even want us to see the flag-draped coffins. Might make us a bit too quesy. Too sad. Might fuel a protest movement over this senseless war. –Jim Broede

In love...with life.

Amazing. How good I feel each day. Every day. And I know why. Because I am in love. Oh, I like being in love. There's no better feeling than that. I don't worry about being sick. Or about dying. My focus is on living when I am in love. Savoring the day. Makes me feel alive. And well. And happy. And relaxed. Makes me take life in slow motion. One day at a time. Because I want to fully enjoy what I have now. Today. At this moment. I even forget my age. I feel like a little boy today. A believer. In love...with life. --Jim Broede

I don't buy that crap.

The way I look at it, war is immoral. I'd like to think that there often are ways to avert war. To find suitable alternatives. By negotiating. By settling differences in relatively peaceful ways. Because it just doesn't seem to make sense for people to go out and kill each other. Yes, killing seems sort of immoral to me. I think virtually every war humankind has fought could have been averted. Even World War II. Which we Americans think was a just war, a necessary war. I don't think that it's written in the genes of humans that we have to settle our differences with war. There are ways of working things out. Without killing each other. I have a feeling that there are other advanced civilizations in this vast cosmos where people live without going to war. Because they decided that war doesn't make sense. Because it's inhumane. It's pure folly. Not what the Creator had in mind. Seems to me that most wars are absolutely senseless. Take the one going on now. In Iraq. Something called a pre-emptive war. A war against evil. Yet this war is perpetrating more evil than the evil it was supposed to eliminate. And it's even costing American taxpayers $3 trillion. Imagine that. Couldn't we Americans find better ways to spend $3 trillion? To save lives. To make for better living conditions in this world. Instead, we wage war after war. All in the name of making for a better world. I don't buy that crap for a minute. --Jim Broede

I'd find it difficult...

I’m 72. But I often feel like a boy. I still believe in Santa Claus. And the Easter bunny. Even in god. Some might accuse me of living in fantasy land. But to me, all this is real. I’ve chosen to live as a romantic idealist. Which means I believe in love. I believe that dreams come true. I guess that’s the little boy in me. I refuse to change. I don’t ever want to become a total adult. I want the child in me to remain forever. That means when Jesus said it’s possible for all of us to walk on water, I want to believe it’s possible. That he isn’t kidding. But I haven’t yet believed it beyond one iota of doubt. Once I erase that one iota, I’ll be able to do it. Oh, deep down, I really have to admit a little bit of doubt about Santa Claus and the Easter bunny. But I believe in god. Because I want to. Because I have to. Life wouldn’t make sense any other way. Yes, I believe in a creator. A god of love, so to speak. Seems to me love is real. Because I feel it. That is what sustains me. And keeps me a little boy. I think it’s wonderful that god has created love. I’d find it difficult, if not impossible, to live without love. –Jim Broede

Rev. Wright is right on.

Yes, I like this guy, the Rev. Jeremiah Wright. He said blacks should condemn the United States. Here's what he said in a sermon in his Chicago church in 2003:

"The government gives them the drugs, builds bigger prisons, passes a three-strike law and then wants us to sing 'God Bless America.' No, no, no, god damn America, that's in the Bible for killing innocent people. God damn America for treating our citizens as less than human. God damn America for as long as she acts like she is god and she is supreme."

Some white patriots have been offended by Wright's remark. But not me. All I can say is, right on, Rev. Wright. I'm with you. --Jim Broede

I don't like him.

I don't know whether it’s possible for me to love humanity as a whole. I think that’s hard for me to do. Maybe it’s too abstract for me. I’m of the notion that I have to take one individual at a time. To be focused on one. Totally. To get to know that one intimately. And then to learn to love unconditionally. The way god would love. For me to love humanity, I would have to establish conditions. Because I really don’t know humanity as a whole. I single out each one. One at a time. Maybe god would frown on that. Because I assume that god loves everyone. No exceptions. Even loves Hitler, I suppose. But I haven’t come around to proclaiming love for everyone. I can’t say that I love George Bush, for instance. I don’t hate him. But I don’t like him. --Jim Broede

...the worst of times.

I like Barrack Obama. Think I could vote for him. Maybe he can help right the American ship. Bring us out of the colossal debacle of George Bush. I’m ashamed of the kind of America that George Bush and his cronies have been trying to create. I don’t want any part of it. But I don’t want to leave America. I want to see that things are put right again. So that I can be proud to be an American. I suppose that in our long history, there was bound to be bad times. George Bush is the worst of times. –Jim Broede

...because I am in love.

There's something about 1 in the morning that makes me feel good. Maybe it's that most people around here are in bed already. Fast asleep. And I'm still wide awake. Even my cat Loverboy is sleeping. On his cushion here on my desk top. I had a nice supper. Broiled salmon basted in white wine sauce. Potatoes. Green beans. And a small piece of butterscotch pie for dessert. And I read the local newspaper, the St. Paul Pioneer Press, while I dined at the lunch counter. And I picked up around the house. Turns out I didn't even leave the premises today -- for the first time in a long time. The cars stayed in the garage. Anyway, all is well...because I am in love. --Jim Broede

Such a pity.

It’s a dirty, rotten war. A shame on America. And I’m blaming George Bush and his political cronies for getting us into it. They lied to get us into Iraq. And they keep lying to keep us in. George Bush said we’d be out when the initial mission was accomplished. To rid Iraq of Saddam Hussein. Less than a year after the war was started, Bush got on an aircraft carrier to announce mission accomplished. Yet, we are into the 6th year of what seems more and more like an endless war. A war expected to cost at least $3 trillion. And more and more senseless death of Americans and Iraqis. Doesn’t make any sense at all. Absolutely obscene. George Bush says it’s intended to combat the threat of terrorism. But Iraq never posed any problems in that regard. It wasn’t Iraq that was responsible for the 9/11 attack on the Twin Towers in New York. Anyway, with virtually every speech, Bush finds a new reason for staying in Iraq. But seems to me the main underlying reason is to salve George Bush’s ego. He doesn’t want to admit that the war was a big, big mistake. Which means, we’ll have more and more deaths. Wasted lives. Such a pity. –Jim Broede

I want to become a sleepwalker.

I find so many dreams to be sort of crazy. Fascinating. And when one thinks about a dream, often it can be funny. I rarely have bad dreams. And I go through periods when I hardly ever have a dream. Oh, and I have day dreams, too. Dreams that I can control. Like pleasant day dreams. Especially when I am in love. When I'm walking, I often day dream. Last night when I was walking, I felt sleepy. Imagine that. What if I fell asleep while I was walking? I walked much of the way with my eyes closed. If I had brought a bed along with me, I would have gone to bed. Right on the spot. Yes, I was wondering if I could go to sleep. And just sleepwalk. Maybe I will perfect that craft. I then could get my exercise and rest all at the same time. --Jim Broede

When really it is bad, bad, bad.

Yes, it takes technology. And that gives us more opportunity to delve inside ourselves. To express ourselves. Without these technical devices, we would be unable to have sort of instant communication. The printing press was a big breakthrough. But now we have so much more. The pity of it is that if we aren't careful, we could become robots. So much of expression can be robotic. Like the 30-second sound bite. We craft our communication into tiny time capsules. They are meaningful in one sense. But oh, so robotic. So automatic. As if we have put our lives on cruise control. That is what the media have turned us into today. We hear a hum-drum. We even go marching off to war. In lock step. Because we are programmed for war. Without even having to think about it. We are fed lies. Lies about us being in danger. We are told that we are right. And that others are wrong. Yes, we have become good citizens. Robotic citizens. Some of us even think that George Bush has wrought so much good. When really it is bad, bad, bad. --Jim Broede

...a recognition that I am in love.

I seem to be in a thoughtful, philosophic mood today. I sort of like this feeling. A good day to ponder. To reflect. Nice thoughts. Pleasant thoughts. Positive thoughts. Maybe it's a recognition that I am in love. --Jim Broede

I need more technical know-how.

Once I learn how to do something, I must stick with it. And use the skill often. So that I don't lose it. It has to become second nature. So that I do it almost unconsciously. It's like when I taught myself how to type. With two fingers. I just did it over and over again. I know where to find every letter on the keyboard without even thinking about it. Maybe that makes me something of a robot. But with technical skills that must be all right. I imagine that playing the piano becomes a technical skill initially. And then one learns to put feeling into it. But the technical part must come unconsciously. And the feeling comes from the soul. From the spirit. But one still needs the technical know-how to make it complete. Writing, too, is a little like making music. One must learn to give feeling to words. Make the words fall together, come together, to convey a feeling. I think I could be a better technician. I always feel that I am missing something along the way. I need more technical know-how. --Jim Broede

A nice thought for Easter, isn't it?

Yes, Alzheimer's is a strange disease. The nice thing is that one seems to retain some degree of intelligence and cognition. Like one's mother, for instance, being able to still recognize and appreciate a good singing voice. One can still reach many Alzheimer patients with music. And I suspect our mere presence as a care-giver makes a mother feel good. Maybe makes her feel a sense of love. And maybe she gets pleasure just from tasting ice cream. Maybe her pleasures are more momentary than they used to be. Maybe she can't retrieve certain memories. But still, there is something there. And that's what we have to focus on. As care-givers. Focus on what we still have. Even if it's only tiny fragments. And when a mother dies, we will still have memories of her. We will still have connection with her spirit. Something that lives inside us. We are much of what we are today because of our mothers. We came from her body. And maybe we contain something of her spirit and soul. And so our mothers remain alive. Through us. A nice thought for Easter, isn't it? --Jim Broede

Always more to learn.

I sometimes think about what if we could bring back people from the past. To see the marvels of modern technology. If they would be enthralled by it all. Imagine Beethoven being able to listen to his music on an I-pod. Maybe to his pastoral symphony. As he walked in the woods. Or Beethoven being able to watch and listen to his music on a video. Maybe something he never dreamed of when he was alive. And it would be much the same for us. If we came back in 200 years, I suppose. Maybe people will be routinely vacationing on the moon. Or on Mars. Inside plastic domes. And able to venture out in specially designed space suits. And to feel what it's like walking as if almost weightless. The human experience will be so much different. So much more profound. For everyone being able to see Earth from such a distance. And fossil fuels will be a thing of the past. There will be new forms of energy. New forms of thought. And capitalism will be gone, and replaced by something more humane. People will think of the year 2008 as savage times. When we were still a very, very stupid society. But then, I suppose, we are always stupid to some degree. Because there is always more to learn. About life. And love. --Jim Broede

Was she serious, or just kidding?

I've never been much for hot drinks. Coffee. Tea. Hot chocolate. They've never really turned me on that much. I have coffee sometimes after dinner. It's nice to socialize with a cup of coffee in hand. Just sipping. To be sociable. And if I'm having breakfast with someone, I might have coffee. But I rarely have it when I'm eating alone. Strange, isn't it? Jeanne would make coffee virtually every day at home. But I rarely drank it. At home, that is. I'd more likely have coffee if we went out. When I was growing up, mother discouraged us from drinking coffee. Suggesting it wasn't good for us. That it would stunt growth. Funny. She pointed to short kids living down the street. And suggested that they were short because they were allowed to drink coffee. I'm not sure if mother was serious, or if she was just kidding. --Jim Broede

...she deserves love.

Roger on the Alzheimer's message boards is feeling bad. Because he yelled at his Alzheimer's-stricken wife. When she refused to sit down and eat. Roger wished later that he hadn't done it. He even sat down and had a good cry.

Well, it happens, Roger. I lost my cool on occasion, too. Especially during the early stages of Alzheimer's. But in the last 38 months with Jeanne, I didn't lose my cool or my temper even once. I learned acceptance. I learned patience. I returned animosity and belligerence with kindness. I resolved to exude only good vibes in Jeanne's presence. And I was rewarded. Jeanne responded positively. Jeanne understood that I loved her. Right up to the end. I should have acted like that right from the beginning. It would have been the decent thing to do. The right thing. No need to yell. No need to get angry. If I can learn control, so can you. Ain't easy. But I told myself that I loved Jeanne. Unconditionally. And that's what she deserved. Unconditional love. And understanding. Just resolve to never yell at your sweet wife again, Roger. Believe me, she deserves love. More than ever now. Give it to her. And that'll make her feel a whole lot better. And you, too. --Jim Broede

As a spectator...and an avid fan.

I'm back in Minnesota. Shoveling snow. After 17 days in sunny Arizona. Such a nice break from winter. Indulging myself. Went to 15 Cubs games. And saw the Cubs win 6 times. And lose 9 games. Sat mostly in the shade. Maybe three times in the sun. I got a nice tan. No sunburn. Just a tan. Almost got one foul ball. When I was sitting behind home plate. The guy two seats away snared the ball. Arizona is a different world. It's not Minnesota. And it's dry. Not a drop of rain. Not even the threat of one. And temperatures in the 70s and 80s daily. Every night I walked. For miles. Through the local neighbohoods. Mostly affluent people. Many of them part-time residents. They don't like the summer heat. They are friendly people. They wave a lot. Many of them play lots of golf. They have the time. Because so many are retired. Like me. But I gave up golf long ago. I settle for baseball. As a spectator...and an avid fan. --Jim Broede

...to understand the nature of god.

On a dark evening, I like to sit outdoors. And look into the sky. And see the stars and planets. And I wonder if ever as spirit I'll be able to soar magically into the cosmos. And see distant other worlds up close. If entering another dimension makes this possible. It would be a shame living life for only an instant, and never being able to discover what lies beyond. I want to be able to travel a thousand times faster than the speed of light. To end up in another world with the mere snap of the fingers. I assume that god can do that, and far more. And I want god to give me the same opportunity. To see life from his perspective. To even be able to understand the nature of god. --Jim Broede

...on benefiting society.

I'm really a socialist at heart. Which means that if American-style capitalism dies some day, I may celebrate the funeral. I'm for what some capitalists call socialized medicine. I call it universal health care. Preferably, a single payer system. Run by the government. Rather than by private companies. And I'm for narrowing the gap between the rich and the poor. Not widening it. I want essential services provided under a system that sacrifices profit for the sake of the public good. I think that in a few centuries, Americans will look back on days of capitalism as living in the Dark Ages. When we were a greedy lot. When we believed in the right to reap obscene profits. When we allowed a few of the ruling elites to dictate the fate of society as a whole. We even allowed the ruling elites to wage senseless and idiotic wars -- so that the ruling elites could profit. Yes, we even allowed the ruling elites to bankrupt the nation by spending $3 trillion on a single war instead of spending the money on benefiting society. --Jim Broede

Not a very good sign for America.

I'm planning on spending 5 weeks in Europe this summer. And it's gonna cost me a lot of pocket money. Because the American dollar is losing its value. Not so long ago, the dollar and the European currency, known as the euro, were about the same in value. But this week, it took $1.56 to buy a euro. Yes, folks, all over the world, the American dollar is weakening. Not a very good sign for America. --Jim Broede

Let's get back on the right track.

I refuse to live in fear. Of terrorists or anyone. Our leader George Bush wants us to be so fearful that we give up our rights. To freedom. To human decency. Because we have to wage war on terrorists. We have to run our nation into overwhelming debt. Just to make us safe. The George Bush kind of safe. Which means surrendering our freedoms. Which means ignoring some of the basic needs of our citizens. Such as universal health care. And allowing our nation's infrastucture to deteriorate. And catering to the rich folks. So that they can get richer. Widening the gap between the rich and the poor. Well, folks, I ain't gonna live in fear. I'm gonna speak out. Exercise my freedom of speech while I still have it. And decry what George Bush and his political cronies have done to this country...making us a fearful nation. I'm gonna stand up and say enough is enough. Let's get America back on the right track. --Jim Broede

It may be too late...

Yes, folks, we have more to fear from George Bush than we do from the terrorists.

Get this. President Bush vetoed the 2008 intelligence budget because it contains a clause barring the CIA from torturing prisoners. Bush said it "would take away one of the most valuable tools in the war on terror."

Fancy that. George Bush supports torture. And he and his political cronies have taken us into a senseless and idiotic war. Against a country that had nothing to do with the 9/11 attack on America. A war that's expected to cost $3 trillion. And send the nation into record-setting debt. While almost one-third of our citizens live in poverty or near-poverty. And the value of the American dollar keeps falling and falling and falling.

Yes, I'm a disillusioned American. I hope this country can be saved. But it may be too late to recover from eight years of George Bush. --Jim Broede

...a senseless and idiotic war.

It's disgraceful, New York Times columnist Bob Herbert writes. In a nation as wealthy as the United States, nearly a third of the people are poor or near poor.

And I gotta agree. Enough to make me ashamed of America.

Herbert cited the statistics. We've got a population of 300 million. And 37 million, many of them children, live in poverty. And close to 60 million are just one notch above the official poverty line in households with annual incomes that range from $20,000 to $40,000 for a family of four.

Yes, the rich keep getting richer. And keep getting tax cuts. While the poor keep getting poorer.

"The (American) dream is in grave danger," Herbert said, "because the ruling elite stopped looking for the collective interests of the society and all but stopped investing in the future. We are swimming in a vast sea of indebtedness, most of it bringing no wortwhile return."

Yes, folks, I'm thankful that columnists like Herbert are rocking the boat. And reminding us that the war in Iraq will cost $3 trillion. Imagine if we invested that money in America instead of in a senseless and idiotic war. --Jim Broede

...makes the day very satisfying.

Sometimes, even a routine day can be nice. It can be a form of rest. Just if nothing goes wrong. Gives me time to collect my thoughts. Time to reflect. Yes, one of my hum-drum days can be very productive. Because it gives me time to explore ideas. Explore what's going on inside me. Even when I go to a ball game here in Arizona. I am often at more than the game. For instance, I may be thinking of someone I love. And that makes the day very satisfying. --Jim Broede

I didn't let it suck any more.

Sandy on the Alzheimer's message board is having trouble coping with her mother's Alzheimer's. "How do you get to where you guys are at?" she asks. "I want to be there."

You get there, Sandy, by learning acceptance. Recognizing that sometimes life sucks. But you still learn to cope. To deal with it. At least 90 percent of life doesn't suck. And if you recognize that, it helps. Because you are thankful for the 90 percent. Much of it joyful. My Jeanne had a 13-year sojourn with Alzheimer's. But by golly, at least 90 percent of my time with Jeanne over a period of almost 40 years was very, very good. Even many of the days with Alzheimer's. But yes, there were times that sucked. Jeanne died 14 months ago. But I'm still thankful I had Jeanne in my life. It was a wonderful ride. I think I learned how to cope after the first 10 years of dealing with Alzheimer's. Then I didn't let it suck any more. --Jim Broede

I want to be proud of America.

I suppose I'm not really proud to be an American. Oh, I have things I like about America. Not least being the freedom I have to mouth off. I don't like the direction America has been headed in over the past 10 or 15 years. Especially during the George Bush era. Makes me feel ashamed that America has twice elected such a bad president. Maybe the worst president we've ever had, in my opinion. We're all to blame for letting George Bush happen. I just hope we Americans can rally and get things fixed. Soon. End the senseless war in Iraq. Make the rich pay more taxes. Adopt single payer universal health care. Rein in the corporate tax evaders. Rebuild the deteriorating infrastucture. Fix the economy. Eliminate poverty. End racism. Oh, so many, many things. I want to be proud of America before I die. --Jim Broede

Aren't I funny? Crazy, too.

Try sitting down sometime and try to recall your first conscious thought. The first time that you understood that you were an alive and conscious being. And your very first impressions of being you. When do we first become aware of ourselves? To the point that we have a memory of existing. If we don't have a memory we really don't know that we existed. Right? I have written things in the past that I don't remember writing. Way, way back. It's as if I had gone through motions at that time. And not bothered to record it in my memory bank. What prompts me to record it? Why do I remember some things and not others? I like to think about it. To think about thinking. Because then I'm more likely to have a memory of it. I suppose that many of our memories are imperfect memories. They are only partial memories or they have been embellished. Maybe that's why it is good to keep a journal. I can go back and more fully understand, for instance, what I was truly feeling in 1999. It helps me better understand myself today. Because I recorded my thoughts at the time. And now I can see the progress. I'm a different being than I was in 1999. In significant ways. In better ways. Oh, there's an advantage to being a writer. An advantage to recording one's thoughts. Writing. Anything. Letters. Love letters. I'm learning to tell you what's on my mind. I'm sharing my thoughts. Maybe more than some of you even want to hear. Aren't I funny? Crazy, too. --Jim Broede

...the art of pleasant thought.

I sometimes think about what was it I first noticed about my surroundings here on Earth. Things that left an impression. I can remember being in a baby buggy. And passing under an elevated train track. Hearing the roar of the train. It must have been in Chicago. And I can remember my dad holding me around the ankles and dangling me upsidedown. To have fun. But I think I was frightened. And I think I can remember being in a cable car. High above the ground. And feeling uneasy about it. And I can remember being at a funeral. And thinking that the 'dead' person was a sobbing lady seated on a bench. And I can remember a movie in which there were barrels of oil set afire in a sea. And I remember going into an operating room to have my tonsils removed and someone pricking my ear to get a sample of blood and someone putting a mask over my face and the smell of ether as I screamed and cried. Maybe in my earliest years I remember more unpleasant things than pleasant things. I wonder if that got me off to a bad start. But nowadays when I reflect on it, it helps me understand my fears. And maybe that makes me a better being. Or at least a more thoughtful one. Maybe as I get older, I'm more focused on love. Yes, I've learned the art of pleasant thought. --Jim Broede

...a glimpse into the past.

When I was walking in the neighborhood here in Arizona last night it occurred to me that maybe I was walking back into the 1930s. This southwest architecture and lighting and plant life seemed to be a blend of Art Deco. Which was so popular in the 1930s, wasn't it? And most of the yard lights were amber. A soft amber. The kind of amber used in films to give a sense of the past. And the big glass arched windows. The door designs, too. They all seem so much out of what I imagine the 1930s were like. And all the shadows seemed to have an art deco design. Anyway, it was sort of a strange feeling. But delightful. Like I was being given a glimpse into the past. And I thought maybe that's as good as glimpsing into the future. --Jim Broede

Let's have a revolution!

I've been reading dire predictions by some economists that ultimately the cost of the war in Iraq will exceed $3 trillion. Yes, $3 trillion. What a waste of money. I could think of thousands of better ways to spend $3 trillion. To benefit America. And the world. Instead, we're a nation throwing money down a rat hole. And we ordinary Americans stand idly by and let it happen. Shame on us. Disgraceful. To think this is what America has come to. Spending $3 trillion on a senseless and obscene war. If we were self-respecting Americans, we'd do something about it. We'd bring an end to this war. Hey, I'd like to be a proud American again. Let's have a revolution! Let's protest. Let's declare that we're mad as hell and we're not going to take this any more. --Jim Broede

Makes me feel alive.

Just thinking. About how to be happy. And that is to find enjoyment in whatever I'm doing. Whether it be going for a walk. Or shopping. Or sleeping. Or eating breakfast. Or reading the newspaper. Or just sitting down at the computer and not knowing exactly what to write. In other words, to think. About what I'm doing. And why I'm happy doing it. Because then I am more than a robot. I'm focusing on what I'm doing. I'm becoming aware. I just sat down this morning, and didn't have anything specific in mind. But then I decided to ask myself, how can I enjoy this moment? And I guess I decided, by thinking about it. To begin to understand that I am alive and conscious. Very much aware of the moment. And I like to write. Because it's a way to capture my thoughts. Some day, I could just sit down and write. Non-stop. All day. Maybe I should try it some day. To see what I write. To capture a full day of thoughts. Doesn't matter where it leads me. To put down everything that comes to mind. And then at the end of the day see if I can make any sense of it. That's better than just talking a thought and allowing the thought to drift away, more or less into nothingness. But when I record it, it's there. In print. For me to review. To ponder. Maybe it's a way to psychoanalyze myself. To just flow naturally. To let the words come. To let the thoughts come. Without looking for meaning. At least not looking initially. Maybe that is robotic. Sort of thinking without thinking. In the end, maybe I have to ask myself why am I doing this? And I guess it's that I asked myself initially what can I do to enjoy the moment? This moment. And I get back to the idea that I'm in love. With life. With someone. With all sorts of things. With this activity. Writing. With creating a blog. With writing love letters. With thinking. Thinking. Thinking. I love it. I love where I am going today. It makes me feel good. Makes me feel alive. --Jim Broede

...hell frozen over.

I went walking this afternoon in the Tonto National Forest, which is only a mile down the road from my daughter's house. Near Phoenix. In Arizona. It's certainly a different kind of "forest." A forest of cactus. Big cactus. Much of it 30 feet tall. And all kinds of trees that one doesn't find in Minnesota. The air is awfully dry. Plays havoc with my nose. Dries everything out. But they have a wet season down here, too. Floods a couple months ago. Anyway, it's such a different kind of world. Which makes it fascinating. The weather is nicer here than in Minnesota at this time of year. But over the course of a year, I'll take Minnesota over Arizona. It gets terribly hot here in the summer. Like 115 degrees fahrenheit. And it "cools" off to 90 degrees at nighttime. But everything is air-conditioned. I don't know how the early settlers survived in the heat. Contrast that with 30 below zero in a Minnesota winter. A range of 145 degrees between an Arizona summer and a Minnesota winter. Folks down here say it's a dry heat. But 115 degrees, even when it's a dry 115, must be like hell. And I suppose some people would say that 30 below zero is hell frozen over. --Jim Broede

...happy with my lot in life.

I suspect we all get scared when we think well into the future. It can be bleak. Maybe that's all the more reason to focus on now. On today. And live each day the best we can. Savoring it. One day at a time. Seems to me that I can find something to be happy about on any given day. And so, I try to focus on that. Today, I'm enjoying a nice sunny day in Arizona. The high is supposed to be 74 degrees. And I'm going for a walk. It feels nice being alive. Oh, my Jeanne died about 14 months ago. But I'm not dwelling on that. It was a while back. I'm busy living today. As for tomorrow, I'll deal with it when tomorrow arrives. And I'll find a way to make the best of it. I'll probably spend a good part of tomorrow watching the Chicago Cubs play an exhibition baseball game. I'll enjoy it. Even if the Cubs lose. Yes, I don't need everything. And I'm still happy with my lot in life. --Jim Broede

I want to be with the gods.

I'm getting a feeling of what it must be like to be metamorphosized. Like a caterpillar that turns into a butterfly. That sensation comes when I am in a roomful of people. And suddenly I realize I'm the oldest person in the room. At 72, and counting. It's a strange feeling. Like I've evolved into something I've never been before. Maybe I am a butterfly that has turned into a caterpillar. Of course, I would prefer a transformation from caterpillar to butterfly. A butterfly seems nicer than a caterpillar. Though I don't want to disparage furry caterpillars. Maybe one of the pluses of aging is the opportunity to evolve into a totally differnt being. I wonder, if I am allowed to live to 88, or some other ripe old age, if I'll have this feeling of being quite different than I was at 72. I suppose that I hope that after death I enter a new dimension, one that's hard to comprehend now. But a realm that has me evolving to still quite a different persona than the persona I know now. Maybe a persona quite different than the persona I was as a kindergartner in Chicago in 1940. Actually, it takes imagination to recall what I was at 5. I really don't have much grasp of it. I didn't have much cognitive awareness then. If I live long enough, maybe I will recognize that I was blind to a whole lot of things, even at 72. And with time, I will have opened my eyes and my mind to a new reality. I want to reach new plateaus. Reach beyond the horizon. Some day, I want to live on top of Olympus. With the ancient gods. No, I don't have to be a god. But I want to be with the gods. --Jim Broede

That makes me sound ancient.

At yesterday's ball game, I sat next to two guys that had just flown in from San Francisco for the game. Longtime Cubs fans. They recalled happy times with the Cubs in 1984, when the Cubs got into the play-offs. And then I impressed them with my memories of the Cubs, all the way back to 1945, the last time they were in the World Series. I was a 10-year-old kid. And I remember listening to the World Series on radio. There was no TV then. And I reminisced about going to 40 Cubs games in a summer. When I was a teen-ager. And I paid 60 cents to sit in the bleachers. Arriving hours before the game. To watch batting practice. And now here I am, taking spring training with the Chicago Cubs. Telling folks I'm old enough to remember the last time the Cubs made it to the World Series. That makes me sound ancient. --Jim Broede